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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am stupid

8 replies

Unknownmember · 04/09/2014 18:32

It's me again. I have many threads on here about my husband. He is the one who slept with a prostitute when I was pregnant and BF.

He was meant to come home last night at around 11. He didn't. He stayed out saying he was networking after a conference. The conference part is true. He said he couldn't tell me what time he was coming home but to go to bed. Obviously I couldn't sleep. I hadn't heard from him this morning. It's 10.30am where I am. I still don't trust him since what he did. I check his email account and found he had sent an email in response to an ad on craigslist. The ad was for casual encounters. This was at 6.30am. She never replied to him.

We don't have sex anymore. In the past year it's only been 5 times. I've asked him to see a sex therapist or relationship counsellor. And every time he has said no. He will work through his issues. So when I confronted him today, he was ready to see someone. It's the script I know.

He blamed being drunk. Seriously, if that was the case, every drunk married man would want to have sex with random women. It's all excuses. That all I always get.

Maybe the not hVing sex is my fault. After his sleeping with a prostitute and drink driving conviction hell, I stopped caring about myself and ate and ate. I went upto 220lb. I've now started losing weight and have lost over 20 pounds. Who would want to sleep with a fat cow?

I'm so hurt. You all said he would do it again. And up even if he didn't meet her, he thought about it and sent the email. That's just as bad for me

OP posts:

Smilesandpiles · 04/09/2014 18:33

For gods sake, just leave him.

CatKisser · 04/09/2014 18:36

I don't know you and I most likely never will.

But I can say with 100% "you can do better than this and you are allowing yourself to be taken for an ABSOLUTE mug."

What on earth are you getting from this cheating twat?

Smilesandpiles · 04/09/2014 18:37

Either do something about this and get a new life or carry on and be miserable, posting things like this all the time.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but you've said you've already had this conversation with us.

You have two choices, get on with it and get a better life for yourself and your child, or stay, be miserable and showing that your relationship is the one they should be aiming for.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with it. No one else is going to do it for you and no one else os going to change just because you are wishing they would.

Quitelikely · 04/09/2014 18:43

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. You obviously love this man but you have to accept that when it comes to your relationship he is not respecting you at all.

You absolutely deserve respect in any relationship and believe me there are ways to command it. At the moment you need to stand your ground, stand up for yourself, accept you are worth more and ask him to leave. That will give him a reality check.

I know you don't have sex very much but trust me lots of folk who have a baby don't have much sex in the first few years afterwards. Men do adjust to it without having to resort to cheating.

Is it possible for you to leave him?

Vitalstatistix · 04/09/2014 18:47

This is the life you are choosing.

If it does not make you happy - make a different choice.

It is in your control. You only have to put up with it if you choose to. Situations like this can make you feel powerless and helpless and that you don't have a choice but that is not the case. If you could see that, then you could change things. At the moment it sounds like the emotional weight of it all is paralysing you.

If you could change things, what would you change? Then think about what you realistically CAN change. Then think about HOW to change.

SunbathingCat · 04/09/2014 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeachyKeen · 04/09/2014 18:54

For goodness sakes, get out. You don't deserve this, and there is no reason to accept it. He is a shit of the highest order, and that will never, ever, ever change.
Do not raise your child to see that this is normal, and how a woman should be treated.
You will feel a 100000000000 times better without this shit of a man.

Bisou88 · 04/09/2014 19:36

If you do not leave him, then all i have to say to you is prepare yourself to feel like this for the rest of your life. I feel sorry for your child not having a chance to grow up in a normal, happy atmosphere with stable loving parents. I dont doubt you love your child and provide all you can, but youd be fooled to think your shambles of a relationship wont effect him/her.

As they say, put up and shut up, or do something about it. Know your own worth...

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