Testifying against my dad...

[chaosagain]

I've just received my court summons. I've been NC with him for over a year and I'm going to have to face him in court while I'm a witness for the prosecution and then be cross examined by his barrister. I'm shaking like a leaf just at the thought, and I've got weeks to worry about the reality before the day itself. I've known this was a possibility but managed to convince myself not to think about it all that much until I opened that letter. How do I deal with it well on the day? And do you think it will be as terrifying as it sounds?

Just handholding OP until wiser ones come along.

Are you getting any support from police / CPS or Victim Support? There should be someone that can talk you through the practicalities and that will help you to prepare and feel a little more in control.

Aren't there some instances where the witness isn't in view of the defendent, or is that only in cases where minors are concerned? Is there someone at court who can advise you on the procedure? Have you been in touch with anyone on the prosecution side of things who could give you some information?

It might be helpful if you could attend your local county court and observe the proceedings. This might make the whole prospect less frightening for you. I dunno. I don't envy you at all this must be truly awful

I opened the letter this evening after work but will call witness support tomorrow. There's also a court official I can call if I think it will help. I know a fair bit about the process and now need to find a way to cope with the experience. It feels crazily important to give evidence in a composed, calm , together way but not sure how I find a way to do that..

OK. You need to call up some inner strength. You can do this. Imagine him as a human being. His can't threaten you or harm you...OK? You are strong. Keep telling yourself that even if you are bricking it.

Be principled and do whats right by you. You will feel hugely better if you stick by that.

You just tell the truth. There's nothing more you can do.

Anything he has done is his responsibility. Not your problem. If he doesn't like the truth (or other family members don't either), again, not your problem. His behaviour is his to own. And make no apologies for the truth.

Justrightbullets I am sending you my bestest wishes for your court case. May god give you strength and willingness to believe in the Criminal Justice System and he gets what's due.

chaosagain - All the best to you too. Be strong!!!

Justright - huge respect and I'm sorry you were raped and now have another difficult ordeal ahead. That's an incredibly brave and difficult thing to do. I hope it goes as well as these things can go. I wish you strength and as much peace as is possible. I truly hope that justice prevails.

Thanks, Ladyblah. What you said is helpful. I think I have some conflict about it all. He's very good at seeing himself as the victim as all manipulative & abusive people are and on some level I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Even though I know I'm not - and all I can do is tell the truth, you're right.

Thanks too for all thoughts and replies. I'd normally think of myself as strong but seeing this in black and white this evening has really knocked me for six.

For Court advice:

Most important thing is to answer the question you've been asked, but only the question you've been asked. Don't blather, don't gabble, don't volunteer information, don't react to implications, unasked questions or the barrister's mock-disbelief or attempts to put doubt into your mind. It's okay to take a little time to think how you want to express your answer. Decide what you want to say, say it, and then stop talking. It's harder than it sounds, but it will help you not feel that you're on your back foot. Don't get defensive, just answer the question as straightforwardly as you can. There will be silences, but it's not your job to fill them. If they keep asking the same question in slightly different terms, it's fine to keep giving the same answer.

frogs that is brilliant advice. I have different situation to the OP but the advice is relevant to me too, and I will cut and paste that advice and stick it on my fridge, my dressing table mirror, my dashboard etc.
Until I take it in

OP - my situation is different from yours but I want to wish you much peace and strength. You WILL be able to do this and you WILL be glad you did. x.

Brilliant advice, frogs, thank you.

Your his child, he is your father, there is no excuse for anything he has done to put you in this position whether a personal or fraudulant act etc, you should not have been a witness, fullstop.
I hate parents like this he is not a victim and people will see through his act, think of him as a stranger if it helps on the day.

This might help;
In your minds eye picture him (a male character) doing whatever he is accused of with another female as witness, in the same circumstances you were in, look at all the other characters in the scenario, how they could have helped, changed things perhaps but didn't/couldn't weren't aware etc. Think about what you would say/ do to help/support the female character in the imagined situation. It can help to zoom out and see the bigger pic to put things into perspective, and not sell yourself short. Gives you strength. Maybe imagine yourself in 20 years time looking out for your younger self (you now) what would you say to protect/support you, now and in court. Best wishes.
I love what frogs said.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense.