Not sure

[winkywinkola]

Two years ago, I distanced myself from a very charming friend who I felt was using me.

She was a good friend in the sense that she did listen to me when I was in a dip in my relationship with dh. But she was very demanding in terms of favours especially with childcare that were never really reciprocated. After 18 months of this, I was starting to get resentful and just stopped answering my phone.

Then she had an emotional affair with someone living in another country because she felt her dh wasn't paying her enough attention. I felt more put off by this as I felt she lacked moral compass. Not my kind of person, I felt. At the same time, I think she's very thick skinned and kind of oblivious to how she might treat people in terms of getting them to do things for her.

It seems that she felt the same way and we were distant but polite at school, social occasions where we both might attend etc.

Another dear friend of mine - or not so dear - disappeared from my life at the same time and become extremely pally with my ex friend. I was really upset about this but am over it now.

So now my ex friend is now being extremely friendly and has invited me and dh and my "dear" friend and her dp over for dinner. Now, my "dear" friend worked very hard to ensure that I understood we weren't to be good friends anymore by being very distant and chilly.

This dinner invitation is for six weeks in advance and I don't think I want to go. Why would I want to go? I mean, I'm pretty sure the two of them have had a good old bitching session about me over the last year or so. Why would I want to socialise with them? I've made my excuses but my ex friend says she will just change the date to be able to accommodate me.

What to do? Should I just go to the dinner, head held high and just chat and drink wine?

This is really high school and childish but I don't want a scene and I don't know how to avoid this without a scene. If I say I just don't want to go then there'll be drama.

I thought I'd left them far behind me but how can I do it again without causing a scene?

It's a tricky one isn't it.

I can't imagine why they are pressuring you into this if they don't really like you. Do you think they might be trying to mend bridges with you? Is this something you would like?

If you really really don't want to go can you just fade them out. Just don't respond to the messages?

If they really really press you and you really really don't want to go I'm afraid you might have to cause a scene. You may have to tell them that you feel uncomfortable about what has gone on between you in the past, don't feel comfortable socialising with them but that you wish them well?

Just say, "Thank you for the invite, but I think we've all moved on now, so I'd rather not". Repeat if necessary.

What are they going to do, if you refuse to attend? Send you bombs through the post? There's just as likely to be drama if you do go.

No but my dd is best friends with ex friend's dd. All see each other at school every day. Blah blah. Crap school run. Wish primary school was over. I feel like MY primary school isn't over sometimes. I've tried fading from view.