His Ex ! Am I just being irrational !?

[waitingformychance]

Been together nearly a year, he split up with ex about 2 yrs ago. She has had some mental health issues which for the last year of their relationship he paid for her to get some counselling etc.
She had problems due to lack of attention from her family and she was 20 and my now partner 38 , and her family was keen on him to take her in to his home and she lived there from the first month of them meeting !

They split up as he said he quickly realised it was not what he wanted but felt responsable for her.

She has moved on and got married within a year, but when she found out that he was seeing me she sat on the doorstep crying and waiting for him to get home, saying she felt jealous and still wanted to be able to come round when she wants .

I have now moved in with him ( we are in the process of finding somewhere together)
Since then he has said I'm a bit uncomfortable with her showing up etc and he doesn't really want her contacting him, she is married and for her to be with her husband and be happy.

She then kept constantly texting him, so he has changed his mobile number .

But , she frequently calls his house phone now at midnight and late at night , keeps ringing hanging up etc , then says oh sorry I accidently called you and then asks if hes still ignoring her etc ( he either ignores or answers and tells her to stop calling )

It feels so uncomfortable , she is very brassy and I'm not one for confrontation,and nor is dp

Am I being horrible here , is this something that I should be putting up with and I need to be the adult ?!

Any opinions would be great

I would not directly confront her but I would now be getting the police involved because this is harassment.

I don't think he is being firm enough. If I were in his shoes I would be considering reporting her for harassment

How long will it be until you move to your new home?

Can he guarantee that he won't tell anyone your new home number who would pass it on to her?

If you are sure he won't let her know his new number or new address then it's a temporary problem and I would ride it out.

I also think he should report it to the police. It's stalking behaviour, she's disrupting your home life and she sounds very unstable. She probably needs a lot more than counselling. Wonder if her DH is aware of her obsession?

What you have to ask yourself, however, is what you're going to do if your non-confrontational DP does nothing.

I also think you should report her for harassment.

You could also consider changing your landline number. It's a bit of a pain, telling everyone that it's changed but hopefully it would mean the end of more calls at midnight.

I think you have to be cruel to be kind. Your DP has asked her not to ring him and she has ignored that instruction.

I do think you have to report her if she keeps getting in touch, if only for her own good.

I hope this gets sorted out soon.

Yes, change the landline number. As Iconfuseus said, it's a bit of a pain and I think you have to pay to do it (I did - British Telecom - some years ago when some unpleasant ex was forever phoning me, hanging up).

No you are not being irrational....

He needs to firm up with this.

Also keep a note of all the calls....hang ups times etc.