Hi,
I'm a 40yo man and would like an opinion from a ladies point of view because I think if I posted this on a man's forum the advice would be an overwhelming "get rid".
Sorry if it gets a bit too long.
Some background: married 15 years. DW and I have always been best friends. Neither of us have other close friends. I've never been one for "the lads" and she's never been one for "the girls". We are hardly in each others pockets though. Some ups and downs but generally happy.
A couple of years ago it seemed like her PMT was getting worse. She was being aggressive and abusive with me and the kids especially at time of the month.
Anyway, we had a bad argument and things were not good for a few months. Eventually she was diagnosed with depression, on citalopram and things were awful really. Sex once a month only when she could tell I was at my wits end from it.
About this time she started behaving oddly with a guy who goes to a sports club we go to. Things like:
Talking to him in preference to me when we are there (not major I know)
Insisting on going on a certain day she knows he goes, and going mad if I have something else on
Wanting to go on a particular day and when I talk her into going another day, next time we see this guy she says "I wasn't allowed to come the other day" then looking at me
Deleting her sent emails, her inbox emails and her deleted folder
Taking her phone everywhere with her when previously she never turned it on, and moaning about having no credit after topping up only 2 weeks previous
As a result this, she asked me to a recover a deleted email. While I was doing this, an email from the guy popped up where she had asked if he wanted her to come round and "keep him company". As it happened he'd said he was busy.
Things just went along till last January when I went on a night out to another town with friends. She was leaving the kids with parents because she had work the next day and going to the club - a whole evening by herself.
That evening I couldn't reach her by phone at home or mobile till nearly midnight.
We had it out after that I said I thought she was with him. She asked if I thought she was having an affair with him, I said yes. Her response "well I'm not".
A few chats after that:
He's just a friend
I'm not that type of person, etc.
Then I started seeing emails (her account was set up on my log in) which were ambigious but said things like:
You're in all aspects of my life
I wanted to come home with you and make you feel better
And arranging to go see him at his flat.
After this I told her I knew she had been to his flat. She said well I had to lie because you'd have gone mad if I'd told you but he's just a friend, etc.
This was in February/ Recently things have been pretty good. It's almost like they've got over each other. She doesn't try to go when he's there, never mentions him.
Until yesterday when I saw an email where she'd said:
I miss you, I've been trying not to bump into you, you are too tempting and the killer "if you need me I'm stuck here in the holding grid".
On the other hand, she's been happy recently, more like her old self.
We have been considering a move to a different country and she's very enthusiastic about it, looking at new homes all day.
I think she want to have her cake and eat it.
Any advice?