is it me?

[onanotherday]

Xh has many issues, not least depression and anger. Having said that he trys to keep a relationship going with dc's who love him very much. We have had quite a lot of contact over the summer, but due to an arguement ...over money he wants to distance himself, again! Im not too bothered but now instead of having both dc's at the weekend wants them on seperate days. I pointed out that doesnt give me a break, to which i was told it wasnt for my benefit. That his flat is small and there isnt much to do and it wasnt fair on them. Does he have a point?

No he bloody doesn't! Tell him to man up and parent his kids properly.

How old are the DCs

Is it fair on the children to be split up, will they not think this is odd. Whilst contact time is not for your benefit, I would be inclined to point out that A)he does get a break from parenting his Dc when you have them B) that you have to cope with more than one at a time, irrespective of the circumstances C) its up to him to find things to do with them, he has plenty of free time in which to think and plan ahead.

The PRIMARY reason for your DCs contact with their father, is to spend time and maintain a relationship with their father, not to give you a break...

If he suffers from depression, he may be struggling to cope with them both at the same time.

However, he is a parent, and any single parent has to deal with their responsibilities. Depression or not.

Its up to you how reasonable you want to be. What would the children prefer? Spend time with their dad together as a unit, or apart to get more one on one time with him?

Thanks for your views. dc's are 11&13. I àm very sensitive to his depressin ( having also bbeen there) butt managed two p/t jobs and most of childcare...no choice. If he is on a downer i have bent over backwards to still support him. (Dinner, money, safe place to come) B ut thisis purely because he is angry with me atm! The flat issmall but he has had them stay over before. As fornothing to do, he is surrounded by beautiful countryside. Im just so knackered!

Why does OP not deserve a 'break' whilst letting XH take care of their children?

Surely he has a 'break' the entire time she is their primary care-giver?

We all deserve a break. I agree that visiting the father is for the children's benefit. This in turn gives main carer a break. Anyway as you were....

Disengage, disengage, disengage.

His proposal is all about incveniencing you. Tell him that the children are a package and his parental responsibility isn't your responsibility. You're going to have to toughen up and stop parenting him. If he needs support, he is going to have to learn to access it all by himself.

Let's be fair. Do you have the opportunity to parent the children on separate days during the week or during school holidays, easing the burden? no thought not.

Ok, so whilst I agree that contact isn't about giving the main carer a break, lets be honest...what good is it to the children if she's exhausted and on her knees???

I think he should be ashamed to be asking to have the children on separate days knowing that you have them most of the time without a break.

If he's so depressed that he can't take care of two reasonably grown-up children at the same time then the answer is not staggered access but a trip to the GP to review treatment. All or nothing...