Splitting up struggles

[Mortymoo]

I found out only 2 weeks ago husband having an affair. He wants to walk away from marriage of 14 years. I'm trying to get my head around it all but he is being really arsey about things. He moves out at end of month into a flat. He has promised to pay maintenance to kids & half the mortgage, but I know he won't be able to afford this in the long run as he is crap with money. He's told me to make alternative child care arrangements when I go to work, as he won't help out. He won't sign papers to take his name off the joint account. And he wants the TV off our bedroom wall because the one in the flat is too small. He is being so nasty & cold towards me, when I feel non of this is my fault. He's had the affair, he's walking away, yet he makes me feel to blame. He has no remorse or guilt for what he's done!

He's a dick.
Change the locks, see a solicitor and get maintence and money terms in writing. Tell him he can stick his small tv up his arse. He's being cold so you can hate him and he can feel justified in you both splitting.

Total tosser. Hope his flat is cold and minging.

Thanks stupidhead, I will be changing locks once he's gone. Don't know if I can afford solicitor, but sounds like a good plan.

Pack him a bag and tell him to fuck off right now.
You don't have to put up with this.
It's absolute hell living with a cheating scumbag.
Does he have family he can go to until he moves into his flat?
These men checked out of the relationship month and months ago.
You've had 2 weeks to take it all in.
Please make sure you aren't doing anything for him at home.
No washing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, nothing at all.

What sort of support have you got around you?
Friends and family? Are they rallying around you?

My Ex promised to pay towards the house etc....
It lasted a few months and he 'ran out' of money.
I've had no monetary support from him in nearly 5 years.
Be prepared to have to go it alone.
These men have no morals at all.
You should go to the CSA to ensure you have the correct maintenance payments from him. (mine moved to another country so not much I could do!)
CAB can help you with sorting out any benefits you are entitled to.
Don't forget your council tax bill goes down now as well.

What has your solicitor said about splitting assets?
Do you have savings?
Do you work?
Why won't he sign papers regarding the account?
I think his OW might be interested to know he won't cut ties properly!
Get a SHL in place quickly. Don't listen to any of his flannel regarding what you are entitled to. No doubt, he hasn't got a clue.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.
Please try to be kind to yourself.
for you.

You must get legal advice.
Some do a free 1/2 hour consultation.
Some will take payment on settlement so you can afford it.

You can see most solicitors for a free 30 mins consultation and you may be entitled to legal aid. Also the second he goes get in touch with the tax credits helpline as you may be able to get working tax on top of child tax credits. They saved my life when I was single!

Also go mad and decorate YOUR bedroom, then lie in bed eating chocs and drinking wine and watching some shite on HIS telly x

He won't leave the house, til his flat is ready, won't even stay at his parents. I'm not doing any household chores for him, although he called me fickle.
My family are a great support.
But I haven't spoke to anyone legally about things, thought I could go it alone without having to pay legal costs. Thought he would be amicable for the kids sake.
No savings & yes I work part-time.
Thanks for the advice x

Definitely get legal advice. Even if things were amicable you still need to know where you legally stand so that you are not 'amicably' bounced into agreeing to something unfair or unreasonable. When you're dealing with someone who sounds like they have no intention of playing fair then you really do need some legal back-up.

BTW if you want to see action on the joint account, just ring your bank. Once they know that the relationship has broken down they will freeze it immediately as a precaution. Obviously don't do this before you switch any direct debits ... (speaking from experience)

I'm lolling at his claim that you are fickle for not doing chores for him. As if breaking marriage vows and cheating wasn't fickle!

Get legal advice. Get it today.

I don't think getting legal advice and remaining amicable are mutually exclusive. You can do it in a non aggressive way - just get what you are legally owed.

He can't really blame you for doing this. He promised to not cheat on you and not to leave you and he has broken that promise - so why should you take his promises of paying maintenance for granted?