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Original poster

Having a crush on someone we shouldnt?

14 replies

beautifuldisasterinlife · 01/09/2014 19:24

Has anyone else experianced this? Ughh i really really like someone but i know i shouldnt.. There married. I feel really bad because i am no marriage wrecker and its not normally my thing but i really have feelings for this guy, i have no idea if he likes me like that or not. i do know he finds me attractive. What should i do? we talk almost every day

OP posts:
TeeBee · 01/09/2014 20:12

I'm in exactly the same position. Someone I'm connected to through work, kind of like a client but not exactly. We get on incredibly well and I am hugely attracted to him, personality, looks, mind. We also chat daily about any old rubbish. He is married though and I know he is too nice a guy to mess that up. I just try to focus on the fact that I wouldn't want to hurt him - and inevitably coming between him and his family would do that. I respect him very much and I would like him to respect me so I try not to push it. I also focus on the fact that I would prefer to have him as a friend rather than nothing, which again might happen if we pushed things. Mostly I try to focus on how much I like him as a person and don't want to screw things up for him.

Original poster
beautifuldisasterinlife · 01/09/2014 21:06

The guy i like is also too much of a nice guy to do anything, if he were single i know it would work but he isnt. The right thing for me to do is cut down contact with him until in my head he is just a friend, its hard though when i have developed feelings for him. Hes been very supportive to me recently and has said he finds me attractive.

OP posts:
Flipper934 · 01/09/2014 22:08

Ah, I have one of these as well. It's a catch 22, though. As soon as anything happened, he would stop being the perfect man I have in my head, and become a sleazy, two-timing marriage wrecker.

I like my perfect fantasy, so I leave it well alone and use him as a benchmark for all potential boyfriends.

ProfessorPickles · 01/09/2014 22:10

I could have written your post flipper!

It makes no sense for me to like the man I do so much, I'd hate him the second he was interested in me yet I really do like him Confused

Original poster
beautifuldisasterinlife · 01/09/2014 22:15

Is acting on these feelings a big no no ?

OP posts:
TeeBee · 01/09/2014 22:22

Of course. But you don't need us to tell you that.

GinAndSonic · 01/09/2014 22:26

Ive been on the other side of this. My friend had feelings for me while i was still with my husband but he never let on. I left my abusive husband and it was only after that that he told me. Im glad he had enough respect to not to make it obvious and mess with my (admittedly horrific) relationship.

EBearhug · 01/09/2014 22:30

You don't have to act on a crush. In fact, it's often best not to ruin a good daydream with a dose of reality.

TeeBee · 01/09/2014 22:32

Just think how much it would hurt him to have his life turned upside down and for him to less respect for himself if he went further. Do you really want to be the person to encourage that?

TonyThePony · 01/09/2014 22:41

Of course it's a big no no to act on your feelings.

I'm sure he and his wife have some pretty strong feelings for each other too... You have no right to try to undermine that.

Keep him as a friend/daydream.

InThisTogether · 01/09/2014 22:44

(just don't be THAT woman... ) everyone deserves to be put first.

maras2 · 02/09/2014 02:09

I'm 61 and have been with DH for 45 years.Nothing on God's earth would make me cheat on him.I absolutely adore him and have done since I was 16.However,over the years I've had several crushes,nearly all unattainable.I've told him about the most unlikely ones and we've laughed together but there have been one or two that I've kept to myself and just enjoyed the little fantasies that I weave around them.They soon fade and as I said, I have no intention of ever acting on them.Makes me smile and no harm done.

kaykayblue · 02/09/2014 10:35

Just cut down on all the contact you have with him. All of it. If you speak to him at work, then keep it absolutely professional.

You need to distance yourself. There are no happy outcomes if you try and get closer to him.

Either you end up liking him more and more, and eventually humiliate yourself by telling him that you like him, and he says "er...I'm married?!", and you end up heartbroken. OR you both end up having an affair together, at which point you both become incredibly shitty people and after devastating his wife, he would probably go back to her anyway, leaving you - again, heartbroken, humiliated, and with the reputation that goes with being the other woman.

Affairs don't "just happen". You can control how you behave towards this man to prevent this getting out of hand.

It doesn't matter if you like him - you can't control your feelings. But you CAN have respect for the fact that he is married, and not get involved.

Original poster
beautifuldisasterinlife · 02/09/2014 10:42

Yes that sounds sensible, i am going to try and distance myself from him and concentrate on other things.

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