My relationship makes me feel unfulfilled but is it my problem?

[Thatslife72]

I love my partner who I don't live with yet, but although our relationship is good it's making me feel unfulfilled and not particularly happy. I have a small group of friends were I live and a few more dotted around as I have moved around alot. I live away from all my family too and don't really hear from them a lot. My bf has lived in the same area all his life has many many friends, always out in big groups. His family are quite close nit and although noones rude to me I just don't feel part of their clan yet! Though actually one of his friends was a little rude to me a few times which hasn't helped. He seems quite surprised of my 'lack of friends' though before I met him I didn't really feel I had a lack of friends, he also is a bit shocked at how my family don't bother much. His mum helps him out a lot with his children, wereas I do it all myself mainly! I have started to think maybe I need more friends and thinking of ways to do that, but I can't really join clubs etc as I have kids and a single parent. Does anyone else's partner make them feel like this ? Maybe I over think things.

I don't think anyone can make you feel inferior, that comes from within. However, he could do more to include you his social circle and he should be a lot more sensitive than to make comments about the number of friends or how much family involvement you have if he knows it hurts your feelings. Do you tell him it hurts your feelings?

"Not particularly happy" in a relationship has nothing to do with having a large group of friends. If you're really feeling unfulfilled then this relationship is not the right one for you.

Being a single parent with young children can be isolating, or the only new people you meet are the children's friends or their parents, who you may not have anything in common with except parenthood. That's a basis for a bit of limited companionship but not true friendship.

If you've got more than two true friends then you're rich beyond imagining.

Id say if you were happy with the way your life was going before you met your bf then dont let his opinion or way of living make you feel inadequate. It wasnt a problem before, so why should it be now?

I dont have many friends but the ones i do have i am very close with, i dont particularly get on with my DPs friends, so if we go out its rare we tag along with each other. Not everyone will get on, thats just a fact of life. What counts is how you treat each other within your relationship, friends and family dont make a relationship work, you two do.

Thanks guys, so it is normal to just have a handful of friends then? His friends and family is just a it like a club they might let u in eventually if u fit in, it gets me down sometimes but I shouldn't let it I guess!!!!!

I think it's normal! I have very few friends and they are dotted all over the cuntry as well!

Oops that should say Country haha!

Oh have you moved around too thisissnow ? I think tbh my friends are closer friends his are just people he knows not particularly close but then I think us women probably have closer friendships than men if that's not too much of a generalisation whoops! His are just drinking mates really one he probably talks to about things. He is a bit insensitive sometimes as he don't think he really gets it. He does have his children 50% of the time but his mum helps him alot I don't begrudge him that as he does a fab job! but I suppose I am a bit jealous sometimes tonight he comes home from work his mum has cooked them all shepherds pie. I paid for a club then came home and made us tea etc, no big deal really just different. His children have him, his mum, the children's mum and her husband to do school runs run around after them etc. mine have me lol!!!!

Maybe you are feeling a little resentful as he has all of this support and you don't have any? He shouldn't make you feel like you need more friends, you should want them for yourself but not to impress him, if that makes any sense? But a few true friends is better than a big group (in my opinion)

He sounds a little bit pampered by his Mum, whereas you've had to do it all on your own - maybe that's why you're feeling a little bit "meh" about it?

Do you plan on living together or is it a fairly new relationship?

My side is completely different I'm still in my home town and most of my friends moved away!

Ohh yeh that actually happened to one of my close friends, she still lives in the town we went to school in but everyone else has moved away lol!

Yeh your probably right,I'm feeling a bit resentful or jealous not nice emotions, but really I should feel proud I guess. My daughter (11) today said, she imagines herself being independant in her own house, hoovering lol not needing a man, cos all she has ever known is me being a single mum doing it on my own. At least she knows she doesn't need to stay in a bad relationship as she can do it alone like her mother.

It is a good relationship with this guy, I am happy it's just the imbalances with the friends, family and support network sometimes gets to me. I've known him 2 years by the way! Not sure were it's going in the future all too complicated to think about lol!!!

Try not to dwell on the friends thing and concentrate instead on the positives. Sounds like you have raised a lovely daughter and you should feel proud and rightly so!

I can count my close friends on one hand. I've never considered it a problem. There are lots of people that I hang out with, or will see out, but I wouldn't turn to them if I had a genuine problem.

My family and I are close emotionally, but we live in different countries, so it's not like I see them all the time.

I do sometimes feel a little jealous of people from school who all stayed in touch with each other, and are now very close friends. But at the same time, they've lived in pretty much the same two places their whole life, whilst I've lived in...four or so countries. Neither is a better or worse way to have lived.

I don't like that your boyfriend thinks you should have more friends, or whatever, if you have never felt like that. It gives the impression that he can only see one viewpoint on how to live - which is the way he does it.

If your relationship is making you question your sense of self worth, or your self esteem then I don't think it is a very good one. A good relationship should make you feel good about yourself - not bad!