Body dysmorphic disorder

[Futurebird]

Does anyone have any experience of this condition?

I'm pretty sure my EX DP has it. We only split quite recently but actually it's been good for us. I'm not scared that he's going to sulk or leave anymore so I've been able to be really open with him and he's done the same back.

Some of the things has said have made me think he's actually quite unwell and needs more than just regular counselling. The reason I've posted in relationships is because he wants to come home. I really want to support him through this, and love him a lot but I don't want to leave myself open to getting hurt again so am keeping him at arms length for now, with a view to thinking about us again in the future.

I know it's going to be a long recovery but I do feel like we're in this for the long haul anyway.

What makes you think he has BDD?

Various reasons, he thinks he is hideous (he's not) , he thinks he's fat (he used to be but now isn't), he thinks he's bald (he has a very thick head of hair).

He obsesses constantly air how he looks and has this kind of ocd routine of things he does in front of the mirror. He weighs himself about 10-15 times a day.

Hm, that sounds very hard for him, and you.

Have you mentioned it to him? What is his reaction to it? I think the best course of action is to go to the gp as a starting point. But you, obviously, need him on board for that.

And be careful, he is your ex now. It's commendable that you want to support him and clear that you still care, but be I would be wary of making such a big commitment of support to someone I used to be in a relationship with. Just look after yourself too.

Yes, I mentioned it to him, when he told me the extent. At first he was shocked but once he'd read about it he realised that he fit a lot of the symptoms.

He's making a gp appointment this morning.

I know he's my ex but he's the father of my children and I do still love him. Is it impossible? X

Good news about the gp appt! Are you going with him? I would if he'll have it, largely because he may well overlook/minimise some of the issues.

Well probably not impossible, but don't become so invested in becoming his 'carer' that you forget to live your own life.

Just think that if you were at dr's appt you can make sure it's taken seriously. I wouldn't get hugely involved beyond that though. You can be supportive without being actively involved. It's not your issue to be resolved.

I know something about BOD, EDs and related matters. I think the best thing he can do is talk to his GP. Is he likely to be honest with the doctor or attempt to downplay the symptoms? Have you seen the behaviour first-hand or are you working with his version of events. If you are worried there is nothing to stop you sending a letter to the GP in advance, describing your concerns. The GP can't enter into a correspondence with someone who isn't the patient but they can take your observation into account

Hey! Thank you so so much for replying, guys. It's really hard to get it all straight in my head. I'm going with him to the doctor because, as you say, I don't want him to minimise things which is what he's been doing for years with me.

He's told me more details about his habits and obsessions, I knew lots of them and could identify them but I'd never really put the whole picture together.

Cog, that's a brilliant idea about the letter. Maybe if we don't get a referral I'll do that.

Just remember that GPs have very little mental health training. The GP really needs to refer him on, sometimes they try to manage mental health conditions themselves, and do so badly. If you don't get a referral try another GP.