Think he made a pass at me and I didn't realise at the time

[tinks4]

I've posted before about a man I'm friendly with who I like. I think he likes me, but he hadn't made a move so I wasn't too sure.

Anyway, he came round the other day, we walked down the road as he wanted to show me something and we ended up chatting down there for hours.

One of the subjects we chatted about was the various celebrities currently facing investigation for sexual misconduct. I mentioned one woman who had said that "so and so stuck his tongue down my throat and it ruined my life". We said although most stories were genuine there were probably some people who were making claims to get compensation.

Anyway a short period of time later, but after that conversation on that subject had finished he said to me "If I stuck my tongue down your throat would it ruin your life?" I knew he'd said something sort of suggestive and I was trying to process exactly what he'd said while trying to think of a witty reply. I instead came out with "I could get compensation off you". I added "I think if I was going to get compensation off you I would think you would want a bit more than that". He said he would.

I then spent the rest of the conversation wishing he would just kiss me, but he didn't. Anyway a few days later it suddenly dawned on me that I think he made a pass at me. Effectively he said if I kissed you would you mind. I can't think of any other reason for him to have said it. While he flirts with me and we have banter it wasn't in the middle of anything like that, he just came out with it.

The witty responses etc seem really obvious now, but at the time I just wasn't thinking straight and I can't believe I mentioned compensation even as a joke.

He'd said to me earlier in the conversation "you don't want to know what I'm thinking right now". When I said I did want to know he wouldn't tell me, but went bright red which I teased him about. He asked if I'd ever been married and there was definite sexual tension between us.

I am so kicking myself that I didn't just say "there's only one way to find out" or something similar. Have I missed my opportunity with him here now? There isn't some other reason that I've missed for him saying what he did other than him wanting to kiss me is there? How do I rewind to that question with him. I'm quite shy and there's no way I could just say to him about him sticking his tongue down my throat.

I really like him and I just hope I haven't missed my chance with him.

If fabulouse hasn't put you off him; I am sure you haven't missed your chance with him. Sounds like you had a funny and conspiratorial response to his rather unsubtle flirting. Full marks for coolness! Yes, either he likes you or he gets off on flirting. I think he likes you and can't wait to see you again!

I do agree that the flirting of his was clumsy. You'll have to decide whether he is ok or whether it's a red flag.

If you see him regularly then there is plenty of chance to put this right. Don't ask me how. I'd probably get it completely wrong .

You'd think he could come up with a better way to bring up the subject of kissing than talking about people being prosecuted for sexually molesting!

URGH! Hardly erotic, is it?

How romantic - "oh darling, remember our first kiss?" "Yes, it came off the back of our Max Clifford/Cliff Richard conversation"

He just sounds a little clumsy... Tbh I can imagine quite easily how that could be a lead in, guys can nudge that kind of stuff onto anything.

Love your response and poking, makes for an easy one to bring up next time if you're feeling a bit cheeky. He's probably kicking himself for introducing it so indelicately

Your response was great, witty and didn't shut him down. You'll get another opportunity. Why not outright ask him to get dinner with you?

at the red flag comments. Asking about kissing someone you have a mutual flirtation with is a red flag now?

Send him a text... 'On second thoughts, I probably wouldn't sue for compensation especially if it was a good kiss!' ;)

Clumsy or not, making a pass or hinting at something when discussing horrific counts of sexual abuse isn't really the best way to start a relationship.

It's the link that would be a red flag 'ooh, we are on the topic of sexual abuse of kids now, I wonder if now is the time to make my move'.

Er, no. No it isn't.

Wow, you really like this cassanova?!

I don't think you've blown your chances at all. He sounds very taken with you and your responses sound bright and funny.

Takes all sorts...

Sorry but the whole thing sounds weird and creepy
You were discussing counts of sexual abuse and assault and he asked what you'd think if he sexually assaulted you. It's not cute and clumsy, it's weird.

Really, lighten up everyone, who hasn't very occasionally said something that would be horrendously cringeworthy if repeated in the light of day!

I think your chat was pretty funny actually and yes at that moment you did kinda blow it! (doh!) Fear not, his urge to kiss you will still be there, doesn't matter how you let him know that you'd like him to just so long as you do! Enjoy.

Well I’m a bit taken aback to be honest. I didn’t for one second think that would he said could be considered weird or a possible red flag. Am I being naïve in not thinking this?

Just to clarify the conversation that we had about the sexual misconduct allegations was mainly along the lines of how 1970s behaviour by men towards women, e.g. putting a hand on a leg, patting a woman’s bum etc was now being seen by todays standards and considered unacceptable whereas it was commonplace back then. We speculated that some people were going to the police with events that had happened to them as they saw an opportunity to get compensation for something that didn’t bother them at the time.

We knew there were many genuine, distressing situations that people had found themselves in and we did not have banter about that or sexual abuse. We didn’t at any point discuss the abuse of kids in children’s homes and such like.

When he said what he did to me the conversation about the misconduct allegations had already finished and we had moved on to talking about something else. It wasn’t a case of him taking his cue from sexual abuse to say something suggestive to me. He just merely adapted something I had said earlier.

I really don’t see him in a bad light from what he said to me. He’s always struck me as a decent bloke, a bit cheeky but I like that.

Thanks for the explanation tinks4. You know the guy, You are in the best position to decide if your conversation was OK.
As I said yesterday, I am very sure you haven't blown it. Good luck!

I agree that it was probably a little clumsy on his part, but I certainly hope it was nothing more than that.

Dadwood I certainly wasn't intending to be cool in my response to him, I think I was probably just as clumsy as him. Thank you for your comments, I feel slightly reassured that I at least conveyed some interest to him.

Plants I don't seem him that regularly unfortunately, probably two or three times a month.

Thank you Mustard, we both have a similar sense of humour and like jokey banter, innuendoes and such so I think it was just a play on words from him which I rather liked even if he probably didn't think so from my response!

I am not saying switch off your prat radar but if someone is a bag of nerves working up the confidence to ask someone out there is the chance of unintentionally coming out with what later sounds like something inappropriate or dodgy.

Next time you see him take a deep breath and suggest going out for a drink or bite to eat.

Letter thank you, that's good to hear. Not confident enough to ask him out to dinner unfortunately. Thanks for the red flag comments, appreciated.

Sugary I rather like that, will give it some thought.

JohnFarleys thank you for your comments on my response etc. Does he come across in that bad a way from what he said to me?

Getthe thanks, I know! If he'd have said to me what I did to him I would have thought he wasn't interested, guess I have to show him that I am. Appreciate your support.