My friends have abandoned me

[Akp30]

Just wondered if any others had same experience- friends have dropped me since having a baby, & before you ask no I haven't been a baby bore as I haven't had chance to talk to them! I'm very very conscious of not 'going on' about motherhood etc so barely mention it to friends without kids. However a friend I've had for years and nursed through many break ups -with the same man has not been in touch since march & it makes me sad. How can I improve things?

Hi OP

Maybe her not getting in touch is related to something going on in her life and not to you being a mother. Are you sure it's that?

Certainly for my wife and I, the people we see has changed a bit since we had DS. That's usually to do with availability and energy reserves rather than outright friend abandonment. However, we have made lots of new parent friends locally who are good for mutual support.

My DW makes a point of not being a baby bore as well. That allows her to continue to be good friends with some people who have made a choice to be childless.

She may be thinking you're busy with motherhood and not realise that you are still up for being friends. I wouldn't sit at home waiting for her to call, why not text her suggesting a meet-up, or coffee round at yours. If she can't accept your new role and isn't flexible at all about where you meet up (no idea if you have anyone else to care for child) then it won't work, but at least try to reach out for her at this point. She may also have been busy with her own life as someone else suggests.

I don't like the term 'baby bore', listening to your friend's stories about their lives isn't boring to me, I don't find my friends going on about their teenager's all night parties boring, their new baby boring, their careers boring or any of those topics. I think it's a shame to box new mums in as 'boring' if they mention their baby, given how all consuming motherhood is in those early months, especially as children grow and you come back to being yourself much more when you have the time and energy- it's a shame to throw it all away or not be able to support your friend in their new life (unless she's very sensitive to babies, perhaps trying to conceive?)

These are all guesses, why not ask her? It's worth it for a good friendship.

Thanks. Last contact I had with her was when I messaged her in march to see about catching up and as I say haven't heard from her since. She's a friend from work and we were very close before I left. I do often feel like it's always me who makes the effort with some of my friends. I don't have many mum friends as I've chosen not to go to any local groups my little one is nearly 9 months & I'm going to start going to a local group shortly. I guess I was a bit naive and thought I'd be able to keep the same relationship with my old friends.

Hi OP

Toddler groups are great!

I help run a local toddler group. I am general getter out and putter away of toys etc. Somebody introduced me early on and now, because I am kind of staff there, I meet lots of parents (mostly mothers, some dads) and kids and find it easy to introduce myself. It has been a real boost to my social life because my wife works full time just over standard hours and I am at home a lot without any family support (not their fault really) . My child is autistic and I am ever so slightly disabled and have to avoid certain places.
I am so used to my once week toddler group now that I have chosen my 15hrs free nursery time to fit in with it. the toddler group has also led to playdates with other parents. A playdate is where you meet up somewhere and have coffee and chat while the kids steal toys from each other and squabble.

Don't worry too much, I had the exact same thing with a close friend from work. After I got back from maternity leave it all went back to normal. 3 DC later we're still good friends.
I think, for whatever reason, some people do just be a bit more distant during the early baby stages year