Is this weird?

[becaroo]

I have a friend who I have been close to since the birth of our children 3 years ago. She is a great person and I like her a lot....however...a few things have started to seem a bit odd to me. Earlier this year we put our house on the market. A week later she had someone round to value her house. A couple of months later I mentioned that I felt I needed a bigger car and that hopefully I could get one before xmas. The next weekend she bought a brand new car. My husband and I decided that we couldn't afford to move house so we are having an extension built at the moment. Today she told me that they are having an extension too. Is it just me? At the end of the day it is none of my business what she and her husband do but it all seems a bit of a coincidence. Any mumsnetters had a similar experience? Am thinking of letting slip a trip to the south pole and see what happens!!

lol i have a friend who does similar, but wrt to my personal life

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Similar thing happened to me with a lady who moved in opposite - I was 6m pregnant with my third, and she had ds1 a similar age to my ds2, plus 6w old ds2. We had some great times together with the children, but it all got a bit much...

The copying went as follows; car (same model and colour TWICE), front room painted same unusual colour, going to the same small hotel miles away, then house moving plans...we moved within 2 months of each other, and are now 1/2 a mile apart. The funny thing is, although I found it a bit disturbing and frustrating at the time to say the least - this happened over a period of a couple of years and we both moved 3 years ago - we now get on well and meet for lunch/coffee once a month. Occasionally the children play together, but are at different schools ,so not often. Although my friend is a highly successful career woman in a tough profession, I think she must have emotional insecurities of a deep seated kind to have behaved as she did. Oh and she's coming to the end of renovating the house she and dh bought...I haven't seen her kitchen yet byt it's the same german company that mine's from !
4 years ago I broached this in a sideways manner, and her sideways response was to start on about how she felt her nanny was trying to emulate her...hmmm. I think she got the hint, sort of, but she just can't help herself.

Itried everything, from denigrating the choices I'd made "Oh I wish we'd not decided on xyz", to trying to be quiet about various plans, but it was the bit of distance that did it. I used to feel I almost hated her, but i tried to see it as an insecure person's sort of flattery, which made it a bit easier.
No quick solution to recommend I'm afraid, just try to stay relaxed.

I had this once, but by a 19 year old and I presumed it was immaturity. I worked with her and the copying was a total joke! I remember those days I was always on a diet, and I used to bring in chopped raw veg mixed with low fat yoghurt and then I heard her up the other end of the office telling someone about her lunch 'yes, I just chop up the vegetables and mix it with low fat yoghurt' !!!! Then I specifically remember buying pinstripe trousers, couple of days later, she came in wearing the same - but a couple of sizes bigger, heh, heh! It did drive me mad on a day to day basis though, being single white femaled. You feel your personality is being eroded.

I suppose I just cant get my head around her being that insecure....she is a great person, kind, funny, a wonderful mum. Have no idea why she would want to emulate me as I am a bit disorganised, dishevelled and generally silly...forgot to mention she had her hair cut short like mine and has started to use the same clothes shops as me too. It doesnt bother me as such...I just think "how sad". Hate the idea of anyone not living their own life, you know?

tell her you just bought a fabulous outfit. Lime green boob tube and purple spandex leggings. Also dh and yourself are having a wonderful time at a commune down the road. Failing that tell how great you think she is at something silly like cooking. Let her know without saying it that you like who she is and she doesnt have to try to be anyone else - aka you to be your mate.

Becaroo I was puzzled too when it happened to me; I'm happy in my own skin, but tbh I'm a sahm who dresses casually, not always (or even often !) looking very fahionable, etc., yet here i was the "object" to emulate of this outwardly successful, witty, funny, busy career lady. We met when she was on mat leave, but she went back to work pt when her ds2 was 9m. Even at home she always looked/looks immaculate.

I'm certain it was insecurity, definitely. The same for your friend.

I am starting to think you are right wanderingstar but that makes me so sad...how can I help her feel more secure? I have been talking about starting an OU degree next year as I am a SAHM and my brain is beginning to atrophy...the next thing I know she is talking about a 2 year course at our local further ed college. But is this right for her? I make decisions which i feel are right for me and my dh and ds....how can they be right for hers too? Bit confused by it all tbh.