Any positive stories of men who left for ow but who still were decent fathers?

[justfoundout2014]

Sorry for the mouthful of a title, but this has been playing on my mind today. H left last week following an affair. He's adamant he's not left to be with her, and I know that he's not living with her and that she is still with her husband, but of course I have no way of knowing whether he is seeing her and know that the likelihood is that he is.

I have probably read too many threads on here over the last few weeks, but I am so worried that this is the end for any meaningful relationship between him and the dc. He has been a sahd all their lives and has done a great job, but he has gone. I could never imagine leaving my children, but he has. What does that mean? He says he has no intention of trying to take them from me, and I believe him, partly because I know somewhere inside myself that he doesn't want to. I just can't see him living here, on his own with the two of them, day in day out. It just wouldn't be him. I don't doubt his love for them, but what does it mean that he doesn't actually want to be the rp (I know that term is outdated)?

He hasn't found work yet, so will keep doing all the before and after school care (in this house as he is staying with a friend 6 miles away), and I think that's what he wants - just to be like a glorified childminder, but not to think about getting a place where they could have a room, having them for 3 nights a week etc.

I don't really know what I'm rambling on about really . Just sad about the family we have lost I suppose. The dc each wanted to play a different boardgame today - normally h and I would do one each, but obviously not possible today and dd said "Oh, there are only three of us." . I know he loves them, and do believe he wants to, and will, see a lot of them - but without all the ties of running a house etc

There are so many stories on here of people whose husbands left and then let the dc down in some way or other - are there any men who have affairs and then, despite that, ahem, blunder, go on to maintain excellent relationships with their dc?

One of the men I know who has the best relationship with his (now grown up) dd left her mother for ow when the dd was 3.

He moved to another city, but called his dd every single night at her bedtime (and he travelled for work, so that sometimes meant silly o'clock for him, or stepping out of a board meeting), and saw her every other weekend, (he flew to her city or she flew to him). He also went on holiday every year for two weeks just with her and him (without his new dp).

Xh is a hell of a lot better now he's not living with us, if that helps. I think he found it too mundane being in the thick of toddler rearing day in, day out, but seeing the now older dcs alternate weekends keeps him interested and I've actually been pleasantly surprised by how involved he's been.

He's gone on to have another child but notably still works away from their home during the week.. I think he likes the idea of family more than the reality.

I live in hope......but three years in.....he's still behaving like an arse

Hope you're ok, it's still such early days x

My friends dad left her mum for another man. Yes, man.

He has been an absolutely amazing parent, totally committed. Supported her emotionally, financially, a great father.

My XH left me for OW when DCs were tiny, but was totally reliable for weekly contact (one night/week & every other weekend) which I was able to hang my work shifts around etc. He got a bit flaky as the years went by, forgetting to tell me about holidays etc, but in general his r'ship with DCs was very important to him.

With regret after nearly three years my experience says no. I live in hope that this will change and over the years have given my xh every opportunity to step up but he fails to do so. The only good thing to come out of it is that my DD and DS know who is failing them. Not that I tell them but they can see it for themselves and have their own options!

I, too, live in hope and continue to do so for the sake of my DC. x

Ummm well ExH and I separated almost 5 years ago. We do amicably co parent. It was tricky at first, I found the adjustment quite hard and dealing with letting go of the dreams and hopes I did have and the hurt for what he'd done to me but moreso to the kids. I had to learn new ways to communicate, new boundaries and how contact would work. It took time and acceptance on what I could expect from him versus what I longed for. I also managed never to speak badly of their Dad to them too.

It's a long road ime but he does have a good relationship with them and they feel loved by him.

He cocks up from time to time but I know I'm lucky, I hear all sorts of horror stories on mn.

With deep regret in my experience I have to say no, my biological father left after numerous affairs, half hearted attempts at contact dwindled to occasional cheques and 20 years on he has no meaningful relationship with any of us children.
Likewise my close friends ex left for anther woman, he now sees his boys maybe 5 times a year.
However I hope my experience is rare and not the norm.

It's a hard one... I think in some ways, exH is a better dad now as he only needs to parent part-time and it was always the full-on element of child rearing he struggled with and he left me to do all the practicalities as well... So he's managed to shirk responsibilities even more... And he loves his 80% couple life with OW. I've heard he has managed to persuade OW who is younger than us both and never married or had kids NOT to have any more DCs... A dangerous move I think. There are some tricky elements to co-parenting... But having said that, both my DCs are having a blast of a summer holiday - they have been to holiday camp, 3 'holidays', stayed with one set of grandparents and my parents have been to busy so they have done lots of fun stuff!

If we had been still together, they would probably have had one 'holiday' and not as many trips out! I think it's very important they are surrounded by people who love them still despite the split and my DCs have that and seem very happy. One DC does seem to miss Dad more and that makes me sad...

One of DS's friends split when he was 4, usual story - OW on the side. I thought that he was a total an utter wanker, but to give him credit he does appear to be doing a reasonable job as a DF. They do shared care, he turns up at all school things. Their DS now 8 seems to transition well between parents.

You seem to be coping incredibly well with what's been thrown at you and I think that's a lot of the battle - not rising to the bait and staying calm even in the face of provocation.

Hi, sorry about your break up things do get easier.

I split up from my dcs dad whilst pregnant with twins, he had grown feelings for someone else and although he assures me nothing happened until we were over im pretty certain thats not the case. Even when I was still going through strong feelings of hurt and hatred towards him and I was been awful i admit it, hes always been a big part of the childrens lives has never missed a weekend been with them, will drive us to appointments attend school events all the things like that, 4 years on and were pretty good friends now.

Guess it all depends on the man though Ive had barely any contact with my dad since 12 when he left my mum for someone, it can go both ways. From what youve said I cant imagine him been someone to just walk away. Its still very early days for you and the children it takes time to adjust, im glad all mine were pretty young theyve never really known any difference