Done to death but how do you know you're with the man you should marry?

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

It's bugging me tonight so I googled (DP is out, not looking confused over my shoulder!) and all I get it lovey dovey shite about butterflies and the way he looks at you like you're the only one in the room etc

So, straight answer, how did you know that your DP was the one to be your DH?

What does love feel like? Does it have a specific feeling once the initial honeymoon bubble has burst or is it as simple as him just being someone you're happy to bumble along with?

I've been married 3 times. (!)

First and second I married because I thought I should. For all kinds of reasons.

This one, I married because I wanted to. I can't even explain it really. We just clicked and shared the same dreams and views on things. And he had a nice bum in skinny jeans.

It's worked out well so far !

Sounds like we're all in lurrrrrrve!

Haha brilliant!

On the equality thing - I just meant, a guy who's not either thinking less of you because you're female, or putting you on some kind of pedestal of impossibleness that it's hard to live up to. Thinking that you're a better person than him (and you thinking he is better than you) is quite sweet and healthy I think - that was the point I was making about genuinely admiring each other.

It's so many things, we make each other laugh like drain pipes, I completely fancy the pants off him ( and I'm pretty secure in the fact he quite likes me too lol), he puts up with my horrific untidiness slight messiness and we call each other out on any bullshit, we're very similar in some ways but totally different in others and we balance each other out, his presence just makes me feel complete, his smell is just the best and when I think about him I just grin from ear to ear 8 years in, baby 1 due next week and couldn't love him more... Now that's quite enough soppiness

Because we accepted each other just as we were and didn't want to change one another.

I was comfortable with him. I can be vulnerable, tell him my fears and feelings and he listens and never judges me.

I respect him and trust him, and we want to make each other happy. No game playing or drama, it just works.

We also agree on the important things like child rearing and basic morals.

I just love spending time with him. I love his company and look forward to seeing him if he have been apart at all because I prefer his company over anyone else's.

OP, sounds like you have no need to worry at all

I have been thinking about this myself, love the posts so far and the links provided.
Having the same views in life, I read DP online profile and it sounded like me
We share the same outlook on life, we want the same things in general, have shared interests so he just 'gets me'
When spending time together it goes far too quickly, and after spending our first weekend away together recently we eeked out every minute, like the link provided explains, I was hoping for traffic on the way home to get more time with him.
My cheeks ache from smiling when I'm with him.

Then there is the chemistry, that moment we first met for coffee, and for Some unexplained reason, I looked into his eyes and just knew.

Not told him how I feel yet, somehow it doesn't need saying, it is so obviously there, will whisper it to him, quietly and unexpectedly.

Oh I love this thread, there's so many happy faces!!

A few things: Because I trust him, and he trusts me. It sounds so simple, but I think genuine MUTUAL trust is quite rare (for me anyway).

As someone else has said, I have a habit of adapting how I behave depending on who I am with, and I don't do that with him. I feel my most relaxed when we're together.

And lots of other things like mutual values, respect, and the fact we make up for the others' weaknesses.

I'd also add that whilst I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else (and there is no appeal doing so), I am still me, an I am not dependent on him. I love him more than anything, but if he did something I considered unforgivable, I could still leave. And that's partly because we bring out each other's strengths. Ironically, before I met him I stayed in shitty relationships (although admittedly nothing seriously bad) as I didn't have much confidence in leaving.

one other thing:

i feel valued, listened to and respected. and i try my best to do the same for him.

if there isn't mutual respect to start with, it's game over imo.

I'd rather hang out with him than anyone else.
I can be myself and know he loves me.
He makes me laugh all the time.

He makes me laugh so much and when times get tough he's right there with me, whatever I need, miscarriages, my mum's death, illness after birth of ds which left me on bed rest for nearly two weeks. We talk about everything and talk some more. I'm completely myself when I'm with him, that's important as I've always felt like I've never fit in anywhere. I miss him loads when he's not home and I really look forward to our date nights! Still fancy the pants off him and I love his smile. He's my best friend. He also makes cracking cup of tea and roast chicken dinner!

DH and I have been married for over 20 years. I knew I wanted to marry him within a few weeks first going out together. I felt comfortable and confident with him, just 'knew' (sorry, naff but true) that I could trust him, and found we got on very well as friends, found a lot of the same things funny and worked very well as a team.

He's not perfect, because no one is, but I don't regret being with him, at all.

I never get sick of spending time with him. It doesn't matter whether we're sat in front of the TV or having a really exciting day out. He's my best friend, I really enjoy his company and he makes me feel like I'm his favourite person in the world. We both enjoy waffling on about utter rubbish for hours and he makes me laugh until my stomach hurts.

I trust him totally, which was a new thing for me. He's always been completely open with me, resulting in me trusting him even more. We've got the same ideas on family, where we want to live, what we spend our money on etc.

He's an amazing man. He's bloody gorgeous, the kindest, most patient man I've ever met. Our nieces and nephews can't get enough of him (mostly because he's an absolute sucker and never says no!) He's funny, clever, hard working, his friends and family adore him and he just makes everything better.

I know he's not perfect. He truly believes that I find housework fun, for instance, but I've forgotten what life was like before him and I couldn't imagine life without him.

I wish I could put my finger on it, but it was just a feeling.

Before my wedding someone asked me if I had any doubts and I didn't. Not one.

So many good things! And I can relate to a lot of them which makes me feel veeeeer good!

I have thought of a bad one though, I need balance in my mind and not just swept up in the bubble of how wonderful he is...

He puts pickled onions on a roast dinner. WITH GRAVY!!

Sacrelige!!