There are many issues around which DH and I argue but the one that absolutely drives me up the wall is DH repeatedly putting me down in front of the kids/taking their side when they have behaved badly and I am trying to discipline them. I feel that as well as being disrespectful to me, it undermines my ability to discipline them and my dc1 and dc3 are v argumentative, shout and are rude as a result of hearing this. For example, today we were supposed to be going school shoe shopping whilst dh was out. As soon as dh was out the door, dc3 (8) kicked off and shouted for about an hour and a half about how he wasn't going to go and would wear his (old, broken, too small) shoes instead. I said that he ought to get shoes and anyway had to come with us as he was too young to be home on his own. Dc1 (14) then joined in and had a go at me. Just as we were finally about to leave the house (DC3 had finally deigned to get dressed but only after lots of threats and dc1 had had phone confiscated for rudeness), dh turned up and had a go at me in front of the kids and indeed the street! in front of our house. I ended up only taking dc2 to get shoes.
Just so infuriating as I'd had a lovely morning with the kids planned... And because dh arrived having not heard any of the preceding hour and a half, he blamed me!
This is far from the only time. That said, I'm sure I also over-react, shout more than I should etc. But would never undermine him in front of dc, esp with no idea of what had actually happened.
I'm actually quite frightened for dc3 - although he is only young, he shouts, hits, and is aggressive/disobedient - this is not the kind of young man I want him to grow up into. But I feel that if I try to discipline him, DH has a go at me instead, so teaching dc3 he can get away with anything. I do not now how to resolve this. Dh also shouts, and has broken furniture etc by hitting it etc, though has never hit me as he knows I'd walk out the second he did that. Just had enough of this. How do I get him to see the effect this is having on me, our relationship and our dcs' behaviour?