Utterly confused by df's behaviour

[mustardstripes]

Relatively new poster, have nc'd for this.

I have a male friend who I have recently been getting close to - lunch 'dates' etc. I have always had a crush on him, never acted on it but feelings have grown from crush over last month or so.

Anyways, bit of background is that he is another friend's ex dp (they broke up well over a year ago) - we maintained our friendship despite their split because I was both of their friend and did't just know him because of mine and her friendship iyswim. But because of this I feel he seems to have put me in a 'cannot date her' box.

Over past few weeks he has been trying OD, keeps complaining about how no woman seems to be like me who he feels most at ease with, has most in common with and such. Throughout this I thought our flirting and regular meet ups would have indicated I was interested in him. But he is wary of my friendship with his ex dp and I think it's causing him to put me in a strict platonic relationship which I think, because of our chemistry (others have noted it too) I would very much like to progress from. He is not really budging. We flirt, we text, we go out but we do not engage in anything more than platonic.

Is he right to act like this or should I actually make a move? Is his ex dp and my friend (who seemingly has no problem with me dating him; has a new boyfriend as well) something I should be worried about?

I think I come across as a bad friend I realise - I should add I am closer to him than her, and have been prior to them even getting together and have always socialised with him separately - more frequently recently though.

Bit of background is also that they broke up a year ago, they were together for a few months, she has a new dp now and she has made comments about how me and this guy, let's call him Pete, should try going out - she really has no problem with the whole thing.

The only problem seems to be him and his mental blocking of me as someone to date - he has commented on how he finds me attractive, how he'd like to date someone like me etc so I'm just thinking what the hell, why not me then?!

Why not ask him rather than us?

You could lightly mention that his ex has said she thinks you should date and see what he says?

If it's fine why are you trying to justify it?

Because he doesn't seem to make any kind of move, insists on on-line dating and seems to run at any mention of anything romantic between us - someone mistook us for a couple and he looked startled and apologised. Very odd behaviour.

He knows. He doesn't want to take it further. He has actively gone and looked else where rather than look at you.

Move on. Find someone else who you can have more with. Try a few online dates yourself.

It may wake him up to what he is missing out on. If it doesn't you may have found someone else.

I am so sorry but it sounds like he is using you for an ego boost.

Sometimes I think you just have to lay your cards on the table.

Maybe you could say (or send him a message if you don't want to do it face to face) that he's been sending you some mixed signals and you can't decide if he wants to have a relationship with you or not.

It might be that he's just a bit insecure and shy and is afraid of being rejected. Or he might be using you for a bit of fun.

If he says he does, great, pursue it.

If he says not but you want to maintain a friendship with him, I would shut down all his attempts at flirting with you because he's just wasting your time. So for example when he says something along the lines of 'I can't find any girls like you . . .' say 'Oh really,' and then immediately change the subject. Show no interest in his love life what so ever. Hopefully the mixed signals will stop.

Please update us, I'm so nosey!