Welcome to single parenting :(

[Cubee]

So two months ago my husband came home from work and announced over the spag bol that he doesn't want this life anymore. He doesn't love me. He wants to find a connection with someone. He wants to feel young again. This, after 10 years and 3 children together, came as somewhat of a shock.

Four weeks later he moved out. I have been ok. We have been communicating reasonably well. He has had the children regularly. I had thought he would come to his senses and want to return, but he told me in no uncertain terms about a weekr ago thtat he has never been happier and is so glad he made the decision he did. He said his colleagues have told him how mature he is, and he is generally patting himself on the back for being such a wonderful brave man to leave a relationship he wasn't happy in. (Never mind that he didn't think to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship, and y'know, address the issues together or something. I'm only the other bloody person in it, eh? Only his wife.

Our youngest took her first steps yesterday. It was lovely. She was so happy. I tried to call husband (ex, whatever) but no response. I text to say we have exciting news. No response. Anyway, turns out he was out with a woman last night and I am pretty sure she went back to his. In fact I think she was there in the backgbackground this morning as my son told him the baby can now walk.

I just feel hurt and disrespected amd stupid. I was so excited about our baby walking. Then had no one to share it with. And then he is out shagging someone else and obviously couldn't care less. Is the reat of my life going to be like this? Who am I supposed to share milestones with? Bloody strangers on the net?? No disrespect ;)

Mumset - my baby walked. It was lovely. But now I'm lonely and sad.

There's nothing I can say really except sympathies.
it must be so hard for you. It's lovely your son was so excited about it though.
Handholding until some of MN's finest come along... I know we're not comparable to a partner but DO share with us and we'll cheer you on x

Oh pet! I know exactly how you feel. I have always been. LP and i can tell you that lots of things get easier but i have to say, having no-one to share those moments with still gets me every time. I am sorry because that isnt helpful but i just wanted to say i know how you are feeling. Do you have family or close friends to lean on right now?

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. There are many horrible things about relationship breakdown and that instant loss of a companion that's been there for many years is a particularly tough gap to fill. I hate to say it but the 'I want to feel young again' 'I've not been happy for a long time' sentiment is usually code for 'I've met someone else'. I would bet my last penny that his colleagues actually think he's a complete & utter twat...

Do you have friends or family handy? I found my parents were wonderful at filling in when any milestones were reached. No-one wants to listen to your baby-boring moments like an indulgent granny :)

How very nice of him to decide he does not like the life he has created for the past ten years and to walk out of it as if it were a shop.

You can make his new life a reality by ensuring that he has the children on a weekend whilst you carve out a new life for yourself. Do not let him escape the responsibility of those three children. He made them, you still have a life to get on with yourself and have suffered a nasty shock.

See how he gets on with his new life when he is coping as a single parent on a weekend.

Are you certain he wasn't seeing this woman before he left?

Cheering here for baby Cubee, well done. She had her mum and big brother to see her smile.

To answer your question, no it won't always be like this. The hurt will fade, you'll make new friends, you'll make a new life for you and the children.

In my experience the hardest part of single parenting is exactly that, not having anyone to share the wonderfulness of your dc with. I feel for you. Most of the other problems are ones that can be sorted out with a practical attitude and hard work, but this one is really hard. Eventually love your life will move on - mine has, yours will too. Brilliant that your baby has you and siblings cheering for her. Mumsnet here cheering for you too, whenever you need support.

In my experience the hardest part of single parenting is exactly that, not having anyone to share the wonderfulness of your dc with

Yes.

But in many ways being a lone parent is empowering. Too early for you to feel that yet, but it is true.

Thank you.

Funnily enough Cogito, I decided to pile us on a train for a last minute end of summer trip to my grandparents. :) I am sure they will coo and fuss.

Quitelikely, I reckon it is pretty likely she was on the scene before. I have asked but of course he says there is noone else. He just decided to leave. Time will tell. Or maybe I will never know.

He's an arsehole.

I had this, ex left when DS was 8 months. He has no idea when he took his first steps, or what his first word was etc etc.

His loss. I've been there at every stage and it is me who DS cries for in the night. ExH will wake up one day and realise that he will never get this time back with DS, and that it is too late.

I share the firsts with granny and grandpa. They were just as excited as I was

Men don't just decide to leave. Fact.

I agree arsenicy, I find being an LP empowering, definitely.

Maybe I shouldn't comment because I am retired from Lone Parenting now (remarried). But there are aspects of it I really miss. The autonomy is amazing.

In my naivety (DS is still very small) I think you have a closer bond too, especially if theres just you and one pfb.

It's quite us-against-the-world

My children have just come back from spending the week with their dad. Oh he did similar about 18 months ago. Anyhoo. Apparently, my daughter was crying for me and really missed me. She's 8.

She said to me this morning. "I really missed you mummy. I missed you so, so much. I haven't seen you all week". I said all the right things about how she spent the week with daddy and had a lovely time and often didn't see him for a few days/a week. And she said, "I know, but I'm used to not seeing daddy. I don't miss him. But I really missed you".

And that will be you, too.

It's shit now, but in time you will love your new little family unit, just the way it is.

should I'm on my second round of being a LP (men are shit)

My son's father cheated on me when I was pregnant, so he was gone. My daughter's father cheated on me when the children were 13 and 6.

When it was just me and my son, it was very much me and him against the world. It was brilliant.

Congratulations on your little one meeting this important milestone!

For what it's worth I doubt very much that his colleagues are telling him how mature he is etc etc. If someone came to me at work and told me they'd walked out on their family I'd probably just nod and say OK, while secretly thinking what a prat he was. He's probably too dense to realise this.

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad and I hope there are better times for you on the horizon.

I'm sorry you're going through this Op but if its any consolation you sound great, funny and smart and it is entirely his loss. He is missing out on all the important things in life just to shag someone new - wanker.

I've been on my own a year now and it has been tough but my relationship with my two DS has never been better. My twatty ex is a man child too and has lost the respect of everyone we know and sadly my eldest DS too.

Like Cogito said my mum fills in nicely when I need to brag about them

My husband will be leaving very soon and even though I know it is for the best, I have still been crying and upset he doesn't give a shit about our short lived marriage.

What I do find funny about these men is they want to live the care free life so no worries about money or children. The sad thing is their new woman will most likely one day want to have a child so he will end up in the same mundane situation but worse as he has a blended family to deal with and even tighter money restraints. That makes me smile when I think of my sbeh.

At least you only wasted ten years of your life with him, could you imagine being married for 20 years and then having to restart again? Now you are still young and can go on, meet someone new and your have your eyes wide open in the next relationship.

I'm so sorry.

My situation was slightly different in that my ex was a twunt for a long time. He was choosing his other life for a long time.

Your sudden blow must be quite a shock...it's going to take a long time to adjust. However, adjust you will.

Have your sadness and then get angry. Shagging another woman whilst your baby is walking for the first time?! He is not worthy of sharing it with. I know you won't see it like that but you will.

Please hang in there. Take help from friends and fam and share with other people who love your dc.

It's hard. I'm sending you a hug if you'd like one . If it helps, remember that there are a whole army of us walking in your shoes. We'll all be ok and so will our precious babies.

X

Aha. He was with another woman. Suddenly it all makes sense...

This is tough, but always remember one thing. He showed his colours. Even if he weren't a cheat, and he had genuinely decided to just up and leave, he would still be this man - someone not worthy of you and your children. Someone who was always, though you didn't know it, the weak link.

As of yet, he has no idea of how much he has lost, and how much more he's going to lose. Things that are irreplaceable - just like your little one's first steps.

Meanwhile, you are going to gain:

• a real understanding of how amazingly strong you are;
• the knowledge that you are the one there for your children, the one who will end up being the 'real' parent - that's what it will be, the bottom line - he's thrown away real fatherhood for a sniff up someone else's skirt - that's the reality of it;
• new experiences, new friends, a whole new life, really. It will be lonely and terrifying and also amazingly empowering, exciting, and honest.

This is the worst bit. There are going to be some brilliant bits around the corner. But the most important thing? You aren't going to wake up every morning with a little gnawing pain in your heart that won't go away, that will be there for the rest of your life, because of what you did to your family and your children. No, that especially unavoidable pain is reserved for him. He's going to have to sniff up a lot of new skirts to make that seem worth it.

Castle milk-

Brilliant post. I've been having a wobble recently, over a year down the line for me, and your post has made me feel good and reminded me of the truth if the matter.

Thankyou xx