Visiting DF

[Allinson2014]

This past year I've had lots of problems with my relationship with DF. I've posted about them before but the short version is that I blocked his DP on facebook in march and we have barely spoken since. I went to his 60th birthday in May and he's mostly avoided replying to my texts and calls since.

I had a DD in June. I text him saying he was welcome to come visit. He didn't reply until aug when he rang to tell me he's too busy as he's saving for his wedding in 2016. If he doesn't want to see her that's his loss. I feel like I've done my bit by offering.

My DM (they are divorced) is asking what I'm doing at Christmas. We will be staying at home but visiting them. The thing is I really don't want to take DD to visit my DF. I just don't see why he should see her "by default" if he's isn't prepared to make the effort to visit her (he only lives half an hour away). But this will mean I can't see him because DD is EBF and too young to be away from me for any length of time.

Does anyone think I'm being unreasonable by effectively cutting contact until he makes some effort? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the right thing but sometimes I feel so torn as he's my dad after all.

I don't think you are cutting contact.

He is.

Presumably, your DM has said she wants you to visit her.
Your father has fobbed you off constantly. His loss. He may not even be at home, who knows?

He lives half an hour away, and can't come as he is saving for a wedding in two years? A beautiful little grandchild, two months old, and he is missing out on her. Most of us grandparents would walk through burning coals to see such a baby!

No, you are not being unreasonable.

Im very sorry, but if he's not fussed about YOU having a lovely baby, one of the most important things in any daughter's life if not the most important - he's not fussed about YOU.

In which case you're perfectly reasonable to match effort-for-effort. Which in this case means sadly little.

Reading between the lines, you're going to need to face that your father is moving on and the people who were in his life before no longer matter so much. I really am sorry, but it really sounds like that.

Hansie, he lives half an hour away from OPs mum - presumably some distance from OP.

OP, it certainly sounds like he's avoiding contact, so don't feel any obligation to facilitate a meet-up when you are in the area. It sounds like he has aligned himself with his partner, who has been very unpleasant to you - it's up to him to ask to meet you on neutral territory. You've done all you can.

oh, I see. it makes more sense now. but a lovely new grand baby?

Sorry I wasn't clear, he lives about half an hour from me.

Thanks for the replies. You're all right, I've done all I can. I need to move on with my life and let him get in with his. Thanks again