Has anyone proposed to their dp? I'm considering it...

[ShouldITakeThePlunge]

Just after some opinions/experience really. I adore my dp. I realise (vom alert) that I've never truly loved anyone before the way I do him, and I can't imagine feeling that way about anyone else. No blinkers on, we've been together 18 months,have seen each other through a bereavement, my dc love him, as do I. We're in the process of moving in together, his lease is up just after Christmas, and we're both ebaying like mad to make space and extra money for it.
We're off on holiday tomorrow with a group of close friends, but we'll get some much needed time to ourselves while we're there. I know he's taking me out to afternoon tea one day, and I am seriously toying with the idea of asking him to marry me while we're there. I'm just doubting myself as I don't know anyone who has asked their boyfriend to marry them. I don't know when we'll really get the opportunity for some time alone this side of Christmas as the dc go back to school straight after we get back (child free holiday, they're with the grandparents). Would doing it while we're away with other people be a BAD idea? I need opinions, or experience from people who've done it. I couldn't be more sure that I want to marry this amazing man, and it all feels a bit backwards to me that I'm expected to wait til he asks me. Anyone!?

NuggetofPurestGreen - I don't know. I am tired and depressed thinking about it.

OP asked if anyone had proposed to their DP, and I replied to that.

I would hate for anyone to go through the hurt and pain I went through after I had convinced myself that it would be wonderful. Thats all.

Nugget - I think you are being hugely unfair.

Being modern or liberal isn't black or white. To say that you can't be modern or liberal just because you are uncomfortable in rejecting every single traditional gender role is absolute nonsense.

That's like saying a woman can't be a feminist if she shaves her legs and likes wearing make up.

A lot of guys grow up on the understanding that the proposal is something that they get to do, to plan, to mull over - and I can totally understand why some men might resent that being taken away from them.

Of course there's nothing wrong in a woman doing the asking - they just have to be absolutely sure that it's not going to cause awkwardness.

A man here, and I would have NO problem with a woman asking me to marry her. In fact, it has happened to me TWICE - by the same woman.

I had only been seeing her for three months and we'd just had a weekend away. Was round at her place the following weekend and I was sat on the sofa having a cup of tea when she suddenly knelt on the floor and asked me to marry her. I politely declined - far too soon as far as I was concerned, especially as she'd had one previous marriage that lasted a few months - and she was fine.

Things were very good. Three months later she asked again. I still felt it far too soon. She was a little upset and said she'd never ask again. We moved in together two months later and we were together 9 years but never married. For assorted reasons (no affairs) I should have left after 4 years but didn't. I do think now, looking back, I should have seen this as a bit of a red flag.

I proposed to my DH after 9 months of meeting him. We'd been living together for 6 months. I personally think that when you know, you know. You know?

Oh btw we've been married over 2 years now, together for 5 in total, have one baby and another on the way. We are very happy. Things happening quickly is not always a "red flag".

Theres quite a tradition of it in my family. No great romantic stories to inspire you though I'm afraid. I think women in my family are just a bit too impatient (bossy? liberated?) to wait to be asked. My mum, sister and myself have all done the asking and its all been dandy.

LetTheRiverAnswer - you have got Suzanne in my head now. Wonderful, beautiful song. That's cheered me right up :)

Glad to have helped Charlie

I would wait and see if he expects you to continue to make his supper and what he's like at cleaning.

You do not know someone until you've lived with them.

Twinkle, I'm happy to do his supper, and I already do his washing since his machine packed in! I get what people say about living together first, but really, we already share responsibilities, and do so equally. I met him through friends, and I've seen him with others children. He's not going to suddenly change into a lazy swine. I hunk why I 'know' is that neither if us takes the other for granted, there's no resentment and we share the load. We're a team. I started off the thread saucing 'ooo we love each other' and we do, but it's not nauseating. It's more a mutual respect and appreciation. It feels very right and safe and 'home'. Im actually really excited to go away and see what happens! Could go either way at the minute

If he's so awesome and lovely and unselfish, etc, and you're both so happy, he'll probably ask you himself soon, won't he? Personally, I'd wait for him to ask.

I couldn't ask. I'd always wonder if we were only married because I'd wanted to!

I did and he said yes immediately, I figured that I am always advocating equalitism and therefore should take a leaf out of my own book. Was blooming scary though . Dp took me shopping for my ring and it went on my finger on valentines day. My ds was so thrilled he did show and tell at school about it! I hadn't even told my family at that point so had to tell them pdq as the entire primary school knew. Ds teacher had also recieved a proposal by his gf, we swapped notes on the whole thing.

It is 2014 and not 1950!

I wouldn't advocate this after 18m.

Too short a time period and the "loved up" feeling hasn't really been tested at this stage.

If he wants to marry you he will ask you.

Twinkle, I'm happy to do his supper, and I already do his washing since his machine packed in!

Will you happy to do his supper and his washing in a few years? or when you're both working full time? Are you his servant??

Are you going to do all the cleaning too?

Why do women do this?!

^^be

What Twinkle said. It's all very novel and wonderfuland exciting when you first move in together.

Either things will stay as wonderful as they are now and you get married, or reality sets in, the pheromone cloud disperses and you're glad of the extra breathing space to make a decision based on the aspects of your DP's character which you would only see after a period of living together.

Either way, there's nothing to be lost by waiting a while.

It also gives you a chance to see how well your DC mesh with him on a day to day basis before you foist him on them as their new stepdad.

Maybe kaykay. I don't think it's comparable to wearing make up etc however, as I am massively uncomfortable with the idea that we still have to wait until men decide that we can get married and should be afraid to ask them in case we make them feel uncomfortable or awkward. But maybe other feminists feel that way about make up, I don't know.

Also not loving the comments 'if he wanted to he would ask you'. well the OP wants to so why can't she ask him?

however do agree that there's no harm in waiting a bit until you've lived together, but i also think she should ask if she really wants to.

I couldn't ask. I'd always wonder if we were only married because I'd wanted to!

but why doesn't that work the other way round Whats?! would your husband assume you were only married cos he wanted to if he asked you? that you felt pressured into it?

My DW proposed to me (sort of). We were in bed and she said something like "Oi Ben, isn't it about time we got married?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah" I replied and she took that as a positive response. Next thing I knew the wedding was planned. Still here 15 years on, so far so good.