Had sex for the first time after dc..

[PinkAndBlueBedtimeBears]

Dd 20mo and ds 3 weeks, we had sex for the first time last night after ds... Dp couldn't ejaculate :(
Feeling pretty crap, we had sex once during pregnancy as I was so exhausted, I don't doubt he's been 'self servicing' which is fine, but I'm feeling pretty horrific about last night.

I had internal second degree tear, which had stitches- would he be able to feel these? / would it feel different?
I know I still have a slight 'pregnancy belly' but I'm actually proud of how quickly it's gone down, maybe he just doesn't find me attractive any more?

I'm going to talk to him about it tonight, but I want to be prepared, help? :(

I really enjoyed it, I was in the mood, I orgasmed, all fine and dandy. I'm not bothered by my body, I know it's not what i want and il work on it- but only because I want to, I just know it's different now to what it was before, and wasn't sure if it was a factor.

I couldn't feel my stitches at all, they have healed amazingly well and it didn't cause me any pain, but I don't know if I feel any different from his perspective inside as my stitches were internal.

I think I'm slightly more :( about jt because normally we have the opposite problem, and he comes very early, so for him not to come at all was a bit of a shock :/

We used a condom, as obviously I'm not back on contraceptives yet, so condom combined with potential 'death grip' may have caused the issue?
I want to talk to him about it, I think we need to or it will be the elephant in the room- but how do I approach him about it? I don't want to dampen his confidence, he struggles enough as it is because of his usual premature ejaculation.. :/

From another male perspective - what is it with the death grip shit? Christ, most men have been through dry patches but I've never ever heard of anyone say this!

OP - He probably couldn't relax enough as he was afraid to hurt you.

Oh and if you don't usually use condoms it could also be this as it really does make a difference. Doesn't sound, going by your last post, that's too much of a bad thing though.

I think leave it and try again. It could just be a one off thing. Obviously if it continues then you probably do need to talk, but don't jump to scary conclusions yet :)

Condoms could easily be part of the issue. Me and my wife recently switched to condoms (off the pill in prep for trying to conceive) and, if I'm honest, after years of us not using them it did take me longer to get there than normal. So he might just need time to adjust to the different sensations you have with a condom.

If it's been a while since you've had sex performance nerves could also come into it? Perhaps he was so focussed on not coming too soon that it made any orgasm at all difficult to reach?

Obviously as a guy without kids yet (I'm on here 'cos I lurk on Stately Homes for advice) I can't really comment as to post-birth sex, but as rb32 and others have said it could also be that he's worried about hurting you etc.

That column linked is gross and pretty offensive is it a joke column? It isn't very funny.

For example I notice you cut off the end nicely there.

" ...infinitely more pleasurable sensations provided in your true love's twat, throat, and tush"

Nice.

Agreed condoms make it take longer, though.

What's with all the over three weeks?

Jesus, didn't realise us little wimmin were meant to focus entirely on our babies 24/7 for the first few months.

Fuck that for a game, I was shagging again after 4 days.

Op, speak to him about it. It could be pressure (mentally I mean), worry about hurting you, tiredness, condom, he could have had a wank earlier that day not expecting sex to be on the cards?

I'd suggest trying again tonight and seeing if you get a different result

@BertieBotts

It's not a joke column.

I cut that off because I knew that some people would find it offensive, but I would take issue with it being gross. Dan Savage is probably the best sex advice columnist writing today. You might not like his language, but he's blunt, honest, funny and gives very, very good advice (such as the first question here).

The man is also a legend. You ever hear of the problems that Rick Santorum (failed homophobic US Republican presidential hopeful) has with his surname? That was Dan Savage. He also created the It Gets Better Project to try and help teenagers who were suicidal as a result of being bullied about their sexuality.

Anyway, sorry for getting off topic. Never realised I was such an evangelist for the guy! :)