Lazy OH..... AIBU?

[ElsiePartridge]

We have a 13 week old DD, OH does nothing around the house without being constantly nagged. He works full time and does the cooking as I am useless in that department. I do everything else from shopping, night feeds (breastfeeding) nappy changes, baths, cleaning, washing etc. whenever I try to raise the lazy subject he says he works and cooks and that's enough, but he doesn't even realise he's being a dickhead. I have you get siblings and family
Commitments so I'm out a lot and when we get home nothing has been touched. He leaves his clothes everywhere, even when he cooks I deal with all the mess. Me sits in the bedroom all evening while I entertain the baby. Then complains about being tired. I feel like I hate him! He tries to cuddle me before bed and It annoys me so much. Even at night he is so noisy and wakes baby up. He says I'm miserable and moany and I know I am but can you really blame me?! Don't want to break up, but what can I do to make him realise without him just saying in having a moan. When we argue about it he says he'll try more and the next day completely forgets the conversation and acts like everything is nornal! I know you're all going to say what a dickhead and j know that, but apart from this he is lovely!

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to interact with his child?

Why does he sit in the bedroom?

He says he needs to relax for a while. He does spend a little bit of time with baby and plays with her and watches her while I have a bath and get ready for bed. But he chooses not to be involved in her baths, or spend the whole evening with her. He does love her but could do so much more

Ok. I wouldn't expect my dh to do
more than cook he doesn't and help with dcs after working all day. However at the weekends he cooks, does lions share of childcare, shops, does tons of washing and loads/unloads dishwasher.

I think bathing baby should be his job at least every other time, it will give you a bresk and help him bond.

It's not like I expect him to do everything, washing etc I will do no problem. But he doesn't even put clothes in wash basket, dumps them everywhere. Leaves empty toilet rolls in bathroom, can't even put them in the bin! Doesn't try to help out at all

All this unwinding after work business is a cop out when you have dcs... When do you get a break? I literally chucked my babies at dh when he got home. Now they are older they just rugby tackle him.

Clothes on the floor is disrespectful... Just leave them there. My dh is v messy as am I but thats a bugbear of mine.

And like I said I'm not at home all day, I have you her siblings and my mum is having a shit time at the moment so I see them a lot, so I'm not there all day to get everything done. Baby doesn't nap for long in day so can't get everything done like I could if she napped for hours. What I'm worrying about the most if feeling like I don't like him anymore. I do. I try to. But then at night when it's me and him I can't stand him!

My husband is also domestically rubbish, drops everything on the floor, doesn't understand the purpose of bins, never uses one, doesn't cook or do any laundry. If I don't do it he muddles through climbing over rubbish and letting dirty clothes pile up on the floor. I let him get on with it and try not to let it bother me. His mother never trained him. I feel your pain. Any useful advice would be welcome but I have tried most things and letting it wind me up hating him for it just doesn't help. It doesn't make him any better if I nag him or remind him.

Do we just accept it? It makes me resent him so much. Can only see it getting worse the older baby gets. I find myself resenting him for the fact his life hasn't changed much, whereas every aspect of mine has

His mother never trained him? What a very sad thing to say. He's a selfish idiot, more like. What - you can't do anything YOUR mum didn't show you?

I think my hard work brings it's own rewards really. As I do more with the children, this brings it's own rewards. He has other more attractive qualities. As I try to train the children I think I may learn more how to train him (or perhaps shame him). I did have a cleaner for a long time. This did make me feel less aggrieved. I suppose you could try telling him you don't have time to clean so you need to hire a cleaner then listing the jobs and waiting for him to claim some for himself. My husband used to manage simple daily jobs like doing babies bottles (jobs I claimed to be confused by).

As I said Cabrinha I tried being angry about it and it didn't help. In my mind I called him an idiot. Not helpful. No progress. You're not telling me anything I don't already know. I would love to hear any practical solutions from anyone though.

My ex was like this too with our DS. unfortunately he still isn't interested as he has the a attention span of a gnat.

Tell your OH that if his clothes/towels etc aren't in the washing basket, they're not getting washed. Might be a place to start.

Have you tried talking to him about how his behaviour makes you feel? What on earth does he do in the bedroom that's more important that you and his DD?

I agree he should do every other bath for DD as well. He shouldn't see it as a 'chore'. She is his daughter. He is meant to enjoy taking care of her.

I think it's fine if you do what you can do in the day, but come the evening, you both chip in. You might need to spell it out though.
Totally get the mess after cooking thing, my dp cooks the most incredible meals, but omg the mess he used to make, really upset me. I told him outright, if he couldn't clean up as he went along, then he'd have to cook simpler dinners! This was unthinkable to him, now he cleans up - ta da!