I've started this post a few times today but kept deleting it as don't think I want to hear the answer! But I think perhaps I need to for my sanity.
Will try and keep it as short as poss. I've been single for nearly 5 years, after DS's dad cheated and I threw him out. Met a guy by chance a bit over two months ago. All was great, things probably moved a bit fast in my head but I didn't let it show. He was great at first but soon became much less affectionate than he had been, sex still great but no kisses or cuddles or anything at any other time, which for such a new relationship I found hard to understand. I should have just asked WTF but due to low self esteem thanks to ex, I couldn't bring myself to, so I carried on, liking him but confused. He said all the right things, always texting (him, not me, I'm not a texter), asked me to be his girlfriend, etc, and everything else was good. Nothing wrong with any of the rest of it, just the lack of affection.
2 weeks ago we went to see a film and I might as well have been out with a friend. Literally no physical contact at all, from the moment he came round until we got into bed later. Then, great sex, but after straight off to sleep as usual and no kiss goodbye in the morning. I felt a bit used and just really insecure as I really liked him and although he seemed to like me, I needed him to show it. That day he was meant to come out and meet my friends but at the last minute he sent a text to apologise that he couldn't come as he had a headache. I was really upset, went out with my friends anyway, got drunk and I'm ashamed to say sent him a text to say I didn't want to see him any more. Stupid, and I regret it, but I did.
The next morning I apologised and he was still upset (totally understandable) and said he didn't know how to feel, he'd thought everything was fine. Which I thought was fair enough, so didn't contact him again. 2 days later he texted saying could we be friends. I said no, that would be too hard for me as I still have feelings, but I'd like to give it another go if he did. Got nothing back, so been getting on with life and haven't contacted him at all, no texts, nothing.
Then today (after 9 days of nothing at all) he's texted me, saying he knows I said no before but he misses me and can we be friends? I still have feelings. I don't want to say outright no in case we never speak again but don't want to say yes and get more hurt.
What do I do next?