Very early days in relationship... contact how often?

[Aliensloveunderpants00]

I have been seeing this guy for three weeks now (messaging on POF for over two weeks before that). First week of messaging after first date was pretty much daily, long conversations. Contact now has decreased considerably, to the point of two whole days passing without hearing from him at all. I messaged saying I had noticed the change on comms and giving him a way out if he's not that interested any longer. He replied saying he likes me a lot but he's a lousy communication, crap at keeping in touch with people etc...but he's definitely keen to see where things go. When we are together he's very attentive and thoughtful otherwise.

I guess my question is, how much contact is normal in the early days in between dates? (once weekly)... Would you be annoyed were you to only hear from the person you are seeing once every two/three days or do you see it as acceptable?

Oh Aliens...

It's very unlikely you'd last that long with sporadic communication between dates. And he will never understand it. Because he doesn't want to. What it is now, is what he is happy with it being.

The sad thing is, that I believe my 'boyfriend' did/does love/care about me, but not in the way I need/want to be loved/cared for. Doesn't mean he's a bad person, just not right for me. And it sounds like this chap is similar. If you lived closer to each other, the communication wouldn't be so much of an issue. Would it?

Do men go on forums and analyse in minute detail like this?

Sorry but I think he's just not that into you otherwise he would be all over you like a rash

You are completely right Folk and I do see quite a few similarities with your story even already this early. As I said I followed your story in the Dating thread and I am certain reading your posts that your boyfriend did/does love you (you do seem very lovely in your posts so difficult to see why he wouldn't ). I think the fact that these men are childless is also a big issue; they only have to ever worry/care about themselves so my reasoning is that it's harder for them to put someone before their own needs/habits than for someone who has children and it's used to making someone else a priority in their life.

I keep remembering stuff ... he always comments on how touched he is by the little gestures I make for him (a postcard from my holiday saying I wish he was there, some food I knew he would like the other day etc etc). However he is unable to commit to sending a single goodnight text. It feels awfully unbalanced

I would expect something everyday, even if it's just to say hi. Ignoring you for two says is just rude. How long does it take to send a text after all?? Perhaps he's not that interested, sorry.

I don't know Scrambled ... he's been quite vocal about how much he likes me despite the crappy comms, although I realise words are free and easy to say...

Thank you

Seriously, come over and join us.

I don't agree with the "he's not that into you" position. It fails to take into account individual differences...

You and he might just not be compatible.

It's not much better though

Do you really need this much attention at 3 weeks? I think if someone asked me to txt them goodnight I'd be very wary at this early stage about how over committed they seemed. My DH and I had a long distance relationship and we took a while to build up to the everyday contact stage. I was besotted but I wasn't restructuring my life (or heart) to accommodate someone so soon.
I get that you like each other but I'd give him a bit more slack myself.

No communication for 2 days
Keen to communicate until you had sex then communication decreased
Does not want to feel under pressure
Has not even asked names of your children or anything about them

He's just not that into you. Stop over- analysing. It is that simple.

Don't play the choose me game by behaving in ways that you hope might prompt a response from him. He does not want what you want.

Notmade That's the bit about it being down to the individual couple though, isn't it?

You and your husband wanted similar amounts of contact and built up to it together. That was right and normal for you. If one of you wanted more (and I don't think "Goodnight x" is asking a lot tbh), neither of you would have been wrong, but it would have made you incompatible.

If you've seen him once a week for three weeks you have had three dates and had sex on the third? After two weeks he cut the communication (after the sex.)

There. The thrill of the chase is gone. Already. I would get yourself prepared to move on.