Heartbroken and not sure what to do

[Theresomethingaboutdairy]

First post in relationships so please be gentle. I feel utterly bereft and don't know what to do. 'D' h of 3 years has been lying to me regarding his ex.

I found messages on his facebook account (the ow tipped me off!) basically he was arranging to meet her for sex-was quite explicit about what he wanted to do with her etc and even said to her that I was in the room whilst he was sending these messages and 'if only the bitch knew' referring to me!

He claims that he didn't go ahead with it but, after lots of lies , admitted to giving her a lift home on Tuesday. These messages go back only to the Monday just gone.

I can't eat or sleep, he is claiming to love me, saying it was all a big mistake, can't believe he said those things, was never going to have sex with her. I don't know what to believe. Before all if this I would have said he was a good husband and daddy-the children adore him.

For background, I have 2 children (age 7 and 8) from a previous relationship. They call him daddy-he has brought them up in this capacity since they were young and we have 2 dds (3 and 1) together. We have had a difficult time over the last couple of years both emotionally and financially and he is saying that the stress and the fact that I am difficult to live with (I am) has pushed him into this.

I haven't told anyone in real life as I can't face it. I swing between being upset and angry. We rent our house and I would probably not be able to afford to stay here alone. I don't know if he has had sex with her or not but, that aside, the things that he said and the fact that he was planning to feels overwhelming. I was a single mum to my older 2 children before and the thought of doing that again with 4 children terrifies me. Please help.

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

might be helpful

Ok. So he will be home in about half an hour. Please hand hold whilst I tell him to go....

Come on, love. Big Girl Pants on now.

Thinking of you op. You deserve better. Your children deserve better.

Best of luck OP, we are here to hand hold. I hope things have gone ok

Please consider an STI test. Better safe than sorry.

You don't actually know what he has or hasn't done. You can't really trust the person who sits in the same room as you and messages other people arranging sex and calling you a bitch to be an honest upstanding person now can you?

Hi op. How are you feeling today? Did you speak to him?
Jesus didn't think of an sti test. I probably need one too. How do I organise that?

He used to use prostitutes? I'm afraid that tells you all you need to know about the kind of man he is and what he believes about women. Of course he cheated. Sorry.

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope you were able to tell him to go, because he certainly deserves it after what he has done to you and your children. All of his pleas about not being able to believe what he wrote etc are utter crap. He was writing this only recently and, most importantly, voluntarily, and so the real, 'current' him is a lying, cheating arsehole.

I do think you need to tell someone IRL. It is very hard to give advice on what to do next without knowing your children's ages, your working background, your finances etc and understandably nobody wants to post things like that on here.

I understand this is very tough and will try to be gentle. It's very hard to be decisive and tough in a situation where you are entangled with someone.

But you need to get into your head that this is not a loving relationship.

Being referred to as a "bitch" by a partner is just not on. Anyone who does that has zero respect for women.

I'm afraid to say he is also almost certainly having sex with this woman.

You deserve better, and for yours and your children's sakes, need to leave.