I feel so totally alone

[heartscakescandles]

I suppose I feel like this because I am, but honestly I feel low today.

I hope I don't lose anybody in a long post but my dad died suddenly and in a horrible accident earlier this year. I'd already lost my mum as a young teenager (was still at school) so this meant both my parents were dead. I have no surviving grandparents, they all died before I'd left primary school and although I have a brother he has his own demons and can't really give me any support.

On the face of it I've coped so well; this was consistent with when I lost my mum, bright, smiley, responding to people's kindness appropriately and saying all the right things - thank you, yes and how are YOU, he didn't suffer, he's with my mum now. All the logistics of organising the funeral and everything fell to me and I quite liked it.

Now months have gone by and with a new season and my birthday and also going back to work (I am a teacher and starting a new job) I feel - I don't know. Lost and empty and mostly very, very alone and scared.

I really want to meet somebody. I want to be married and have children but I'm just not very good at this sort of thing! I have lots of friends who are women and I always have - I am definitely not a life and soul of the party type but just the same if I don't sound too arrogant people mostly describe me as 'lovely' and similar. But when it comes to meeting people of the opposite sex I'm rubbish.

I need to make life changes like losing some weight (I'm not massive but could really do with losing 2 stone for example) and exercising more but I self sabotage and do the very things I know will make me feel bad.

I don't know why I'm posting as it probably should be in bereavement but I need some support and some guidance - I just feel all of a sudden like I've been punched in the guts. But it's actually helped typing that. Thank you.

You do sound lovely :) I'm so sorry that you lost your father. It must have been really traumatic, I can understand why you're feeling so isolated and in need of companionship and affection, and I suspect others don't realise quite how much if you're a cheery-faced 'coping' type.

I'm not sure what to suggest except to encourage you to shake things up a little and be honest about how you're feeling & what it is you want from life. I don't know how old you are but you have a lot of positives going on.... single, no ties, mobile, educated, your own income, driving licence, a passport... :) The world literally is your oyster and you could completely reinvent yourself if that's what you wanted to do.

If you want to meet a partner you have to get out there and meet a lot of people. Reduce the odds. If you're looking for a partner rather than casual dating, choose environments where you're going to find someone with similar interests. If you're bookish, don't sign up for the flower-arranging evening class at the tech, but hang out at lots of literary festivals for example. Talk to friends.... they often have brothers, cousins or they know people who know a guy who is really lovely and would be perfect for you

Thank you that's a really kind response. I'm 32 now but to paraphrase Kirsty Macoll I won't be for long - 33 at the start of next month!

You're in your prime!! I'm sure the school Dads are salivating already... :) More seriously, (and I could be wrong so stop me if I'm way off) I think all you're lacking is a little confidence. Not brave face, cheery smile type confidence but the assurance that you are worthy of love and affection. That's the thing people tend to respond positively to.

You sound like you have coped incredibly well with all the crap that life has thrown at you. I take my hat off to you for that. I agree with the poster who mentioned reinventing yourself. Is there a hobby you've always wanted to pursue? Could you get involved in your local amateur theatre? I know it's not for everyone but our local theatre is really busy and full of friendly people - from acting to prompting to painting scenery to props, there is something for everyone, and there's also the social life that goes along with it. Lots of the people there met their OHs through their involvement. Or anything else if am dram isn't your cup of tea! :-)

I have been semi-seriously considering buying a horse actually.

I was an avid horse rider and owner in my teens but life got in the way and I wouldn't mind getting back into it.

Buy a horse OP! I have 2 horses, and they are the best things in my life. Sure, you will ALWAYS be broke, but nothing brings me more happiness than my horses. They can cheer me up on even my worst of days.

You sound like a lovely person, and I am so sorry about your dad. I cannot imagine how tough that must have been for you.

You have so much going for you though. You're young, have loads of friends, a good job...you're a catch. As others have said, it sounds like you just (although easier said than done sometimes!) need to get your confidence levels up, and start believing that you are worthy of love and affection.

Oh, and did I mention that I think you should buy that horse of your dreams?

Although remember that buying a horse will put you even deeper into female territory! But I wouldn't ever be without mine!

What it will do is widen your circle of friends and that would be a good thing as well.

Sounds like you have had a horrid time and have been coping pretty much on your own - so do something for yourself and do it now!!!

My last horse outlasted both of my long term relationships.

Just saying

A horse brings you so much happiness. I'm not sure even the best of men can compare to that. Although a good relationship is a wonderful thing of course.