How do I get over my massive insecurity? Help!

[secondchanceathappiness]

I am divorced, 2 DC and NC with exH. Last summer I met a wonderful man - separated with 2 DC. We took things slowly as both of us had been terribly hurt in the past. Things are going fantastically well, BUT I can't help having this feeling in the back of my mind that things will go belly up again. Don't get me wrong - there are no red flags, he hasn't done a thing to make me question him or his intentions. It's totally me and my insecurity! I just obsess all the time I'm not with him: will he call (which he always does!), will he turn up (ditto!). I think about him constantly and am only happy when I've spoken to or seen him. I KNOW I'm like this because my exH was totally unreliable and an EA. Can someone help me, or point me in the direction of someone who can help me get over these horrible, destructive feelings? PS: I don't tell him I feel like this! I don't want him to realise the extent of my insecurities!

Yeah. I can sympathise.
I do a lot of trying to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. I read a lot about it online. Ive just downloaded an app called Headspace cos I read about it on here, Im yet to try it.
I meditate, I exercise, I cook, I paint my nails, I socialise, I make plans and I do fun stuff with my kids (no particular order).
Try and make yourself happy first.
My exp was a total EA and alcoholic therefore unreliable - you really do have my sympathy, I have been/am where you are.

They are destructive feelings and they will bring you down so please try and think positive (she says with a face of god knows what sitting on her sofa).

Hopefully someone with better advice will help soon!

Thank you so much for replying! It's funny because I do that too: try to do lots of other things when I'm not with him to try to make myself not focus entirely on him and what he's up to (doesn't usually work, but I'll keep trying!).
I've not heard of Headspace - I will look it up and see if it helps.
It's good to know I'm not alone and I wish you lots of luck mosaicone! Thanks again x

I listened last night, I liked it, just did the first one.
I'm going through hell with my 16 yr dd so trying to apply these thoughts to her, not so easy when you're being called every name under the sun. different post altogether I think though!

"PS: I don't tell him I feel like this! "

That's all you can realistically do. Being independent, doing other things, resisting the temptation to call or text all the time etc. Feelings can't be switched on and off like a tap and, if you've experienced a particularly bad relationship that featured emotional bullying, you're bound to be wary of another one. If you're insecure, you're insecure and it might take a long time to feel confident and able to trust again. The key is not to let it affect the way you live in the meantime.

How long was it between getting shot of your ex and getting together with your new boyfriend?

Thanks Cog - I always respect your advice! It was 18 months between Ex and new boyfriend. I hadn't been looking, as still getting over ex, but there was massive spark when we met and it hasn't diminished (yet!).

Did you ever consider counselling after your EA experiences? Emotional abuse is rather a silent/hidden type of abuse. There's no black-eye for people to sympathise with, the abuser is often charming and plausible to the outside world and a lot of emotional bullying tactics can be subtle and persistent rather than dramatic. EA survivors are often outwardly strong and capable people. They might feel embarrassed to talk about their experience or they worry that others will think they're weak or making a big deal out of nothing.

Not quite sure what point I'm making :) except that 'getting over ex' when ex damaged your psyche rather than your body can be a long job and require some professional guidance