this is a bit long and rambling but i really need some input and to let off steam.
Prebaby we had a reasonable relationhsip - we were both quite individual and focused on our jobs/lives. When we met we were both doing jobs we enjoyed and that had high degree of flexibility and social mix.
Over time My job got better but DH job got worse - he earnt more but all the flexiblity and job satisfaction went. As I also started to earn more I said that I was happy to get by on less (ie on my earnings) so he could get out of his job and have a rethink.
When we decided to have a child we had discussions about sharing the childcare/earning mix.
We pretty much decided that I would work p/t and dh would work f/t but request flexi hours (probably working one day at home or doing 38 hrs over 4 days). It was important to us both that DS got to spend time with BOTH parents.
It didn't work out like that, I was working 25 hrs plus studying 16 hrs and had childcare for 30hrs. I also did 75% of the housework. Dh was working 50hrs plus studying 8 hrs.
I got more and more tired and due to other pressures at work I accepted redundancy deciding that I wasn't able to focus on so many things at once.
When I left work I had 6 weeks left of my final year of my OU degree to complete, my marks this year had been bad and I hoped that I could concentrate on getting through it and then try to focus on home/DS.
DH has immediatly cut down on the amount of hcildcare+housework that he does. I've said over and over again that I relaly need his support until the end of september and he agrees but then does nothing that I've asked for.
On top of all this is the fact that he hates his job, I keep telling him that I can work things out financially for us to drpo down a gear so he can give up work and that it is far more important to me to have my partner back and for DS to have his dad around than to have that extra bit of money.
he just refuses to listen, he hasn't asked for flexible working - just says his job would be on the line if he did! I pointed out that if they try to fire him for asking for felxible wokring due to having a preschool child they're in big shit, but he still won't even ask.
I did a spreadsheet working out how we can cutback and allow him to leave work, I set up a savings account to give us 2 months leeway on mortgage payments and I supported him in going away one weekend every month to get a qualification he said he needed to help him start a new career.
I'm happy to apply for f/t work if he wants to give up work, i'm happy to move into a smaller house (very easy as we own a 2bed property thats rented out at the moment). Honestly If I work f/t and he is a SAHD we'd still have an income of above average.
I just resent him more and more, i've had to give up alot - my job was great and I've given that up plus had give up my dream of a first or even a decent 2:1 degree. I've done this but he STILL comes in from work and moans about how much he hates it and when I say - well leave - we'll work it out. He just goes all withdrawn or gets angry.
What can I do? I can't live like this. I love him but i love the man I met and married I love my equal partner, i don't love the man who dissapears in the morning with a breifcase, who spends evenings and weekends working and who is depressed and miserable alot of the time.