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Relationships

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Original poster

Enlighten me: why do some couples only go out with another couple/s in the evening/holidays etc, and never ever just the 2 of them?

26 replies

cafesociety · 26/08/2014 13:38

Special times and nights out, even holidays are always spent with friends, any one of a number of couples they know. Otherwise they sometimes go out on all female of all male nights out with their friends.

But never as a couple.

I'm fascinated as I find it a bit odd. But maybe it's just me....I'm not very sociable and this seems to be at the other end of the spectrum. Surely a balance of friends and going out as a couple would be healthier?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/08/2014 13:49

Maybe they worry they won't have anything to talk about if it's just them on their own? :)

FreeSpiritsBadAttitude · 26/08/2014 13:50

Do they specifically say they never go out as a couple? I would struggle to know this much about a friend's social life to be honest.

Jackie0 · 26/08/2014 13:57

I had friends like that. They spilt up

Original poster

cafesociety · 26/08/2014 14:00

It isn't a friend, it's a family member/s. Other people besides myself have also commented on it. I realise it's probably none of my business, just trying to understand them a bit more.....

Cogito ...my thoughts too.

OP posts:

TheEnchantedForest · 26/08/2014 14:06

If they have young children I imagine it is the cost of babysitting. It can be really expensive and tricky sorting Childcare so may only be feasible if there is an occasion if money is tight.
if they don't have children-no idea!

AllotmentQueen · 26/08/2014 14:08

Dh and I go out on our own as often as we can - we're going away for a whole weekend this weekend!

Most of my couple friends do try and go out alone and holiday with just them and their kids, and we all share babysitting where we can - don't recognise your comment from my social circle.

TheWordFactory · 26/08/2014 14:16

I know a few couples like this. All holidays taken with others. All weekends choc full of dinner parties etc. Lots is socialising separately with groups of same sex friends. Lots of Facebook. Makes you wonder of they ever actually speak.

bauhausfan · 26/08/2014 14:25

I know a couple like this. They look super popular but I also happen to know that they haven't had sex in years...

mosaicone · 26/08/2014 15:05

My dp and I go out with other people but also alone - depends what we want to do?! A nice meal, probably just us two, drinks and a bbq, would prob invite friends. Not always though. We have a really big social group, friends with kids/friends without - we just go with the flow and still have sex
We go on weekends away together often, but wouldnt rule out going away with friends either (went in a big group Hyde Park gig recently!). Im happy in either situation, love camping just the two of us or with other families so all the kids can play.
Cant say Ive ever thought it that weird!

Original poster

cafesociety · 26/08/2014 15:09

mosaic you sound like your social life is balanced and that's great.

I just think never going out as a couple, ever, is odd. I think it's saying something but not sure what.

Thanks for the replies....

OP posts:

Mmeh · 26/08/2014 15:16

Lots of snidey remarks on this thread which I'm sure wasn't the op's intention!

Dh and I socialise A LOT. We get invited to lots: parties, dinner parties, weekends away, barbecues... we also do a lot of same sex things like weekends away. We're sporty so often go on walking/cycling/surfing/ trips as it's cheaper and more practical to indulge our passions knowing that the other had the children. Plus we don't share all the same interests.

We love it but admittedly it does get a bit much sometimes so we'll say no and stay in. Our family time is sacred, especially our holidays. We're yet to take a long (main) holiday with other families and while I can see the appeal I'm not sure I'd want to. We get on well as a team of four, plus we have a slightly 'unique' sense if humour and I think we might scare people off if they had to spend more than say five days with us

You've reminded me though, I need to schedule in a date night with dh; we haven't had one for ages... And I think we're in need of a dirty weekend together too.

Mmeh · 26/08/2014 15:20

Having said all that, I do know couples who are more sociable than us. One couple can't seem to face a weekend evening in alone together and I do think that's a bit strange. The wide has mentioned before that she doesn't find her dh attractive though ?? so I wonder if going out with others a form of escape from the reality if being a couple to her.

Mmeh · 26/08/2014 15:21

Excuse typos and grammar

Owllady · 26/08/2014 15:23

Yes, I'm not sure I'd want to go out for an evening with someone who didn't find me attractive either

AggressiveBunting · 26/08/2014 15:28

Oh god- think this might be us!

Nights out- I think because we go out in the evening a lot, both socially and as required for work, plus I do a sport at least two evenings a week, so when we don't have anything specific on we prefer to stay in.

Holidays- we have young dc's and have discovered that by far the most enjoyable holiday is to find a big villa for a few families as the kids then entertain one another. I imagine as the DC get older this will probably peter out.

yougotafriend · 26/08/2014 15:29

When our DC's were small - babysitters were extremely thin on the ground so I used to save them for occasions like weddings/parties etc when we would be socialising with others. To go to the cinema or for a meal with DH just the 2 of us seemed pointless as we could have a nice meal/watch a DVD at home and not use up one of our precious sitters.

We do go out for the odd meal now the kids are teenagers, but finances put paid to us doing it too much. We go on holiday as a family to the same place every year and I look forward to meeting friends when we get there. My DH is pretty needy and just me and him 24/7 for 2 or 3 weeks would drive me potty - the kids pretty much do their own thing when we get there so even though we travel as a family is is like being on holiday just the 2 of us.

Bonsoir · 26/08/2014 17:40

My DP used to live the life described in the OP when he was married to his exW. He said it was because they couldn't bear to be alone together.

sunnyrosegarden · 26/08/2014 17:47

I like to go out with other couples, or friends. I don't get out that much (babysitters etc), so when I do I like a bit of company. I can talk to DH anytime at home.

We go on holiday as a family, though. We often make friends on holiday, but we like our own routine etc.

notinagreatplace · 26/08/2014 18:01

I think people are just different. I notice that my DH and I are much more into time as a couple than most couples we know - if circumstances mean that we don't get an evening together for a few days, we both get a bit sad and clingy! But I have friends who are like the couple you describe - they seem to have a perfectly happy marriage, they are just very social and really enjoy being with other people.

Bonsoir · 26/08/2014 18:01

Going on holiday with another family can be fun if the children get on - they entertain one another and the adults get peace and quiet. You don't all have to hang out together all day every day, especially if you rent a large house with lots of space, a pool, media room, big kitchen, barbecue and close proximity to tennis, beach, cycling etc. Everyone can do their own thing in little groups.

sanfairyanne · 26/08/2014 18:02

maybe they dont like each other all that much?

ChelsyHandy · 26/08/2014 18:11

I also had friends and a boyfriend once like this. We all split up. Its as if we were all avoiding spending time together in couples. True, we did have a great time when we were out together but it was like being in a group of friends without any romantic attachments. In my case, the boyfriend didn't want to spend time alone with me and this was a way of him keeping a girlfriend who looked good "on paper" but without having to spend time alone with her. If I heard that he and the man from the other relationship were now a homosexual couple, I would not be in the least bit surprised, as they have since holidayed alone together quite a lot.

thesaurusgirl · 26/08/2014 18:14

Nothing odd about it.

My sis and her DH do this. Babysitting is expensive and so they stay in. They go in for very complicated recipes which they cook together, and they also do family history research together.

When they splash out on a baby sitter, it's not just a night out for them but also an opportunity for them to catch up with friends in the same boat.

Family holidays with another family = the kids amuse each other.

People are different.

WildBillfemale · 26/08/2014 18:34

A bit of socialising with others and alone is the ideal - I think those who never ever socialise alone are probably the couples we've all seen in restaurants who have absolutely nothing to say to each other.

thegreylady · 26/08/2014 19:13

For us it is that it is just the two of us most of the time. We eat out and have days out together so, if we are on holiday with another couple, we like to socialise with them in the evenings etc as it makes a change.

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