Being threatened by my boyfriend's ex.

[obviouslyneedsupernanny]

I am on my phone so am going to try and explain this as briefly as possible.

I quite recently started seeing someone and everything was going really well. He has a child who he sees (saw) regularly but as soon as we met he told me that the ex wanted him back and showed me the hundreds of texts she sends him going from begging him, insulting him, saying he won't see the child if he doesn't get back with her. Fifty missed calls per day every day on average. He has done nothing about this in terms of contacting the police, he seems to just ignore it and hope she will calm down.

Anyway she recently logged onto his online banking (password now changed) and has seen the locations me and him have been to, and from this has worked out he has met someone.

She made a fake facebook account and added him to find out my name and now has sent him texts saying she is going to follow him to my house and attack me. She is actually insane, and he has scars all over him from times she attacked him when they were together so I don't doubt for a second she actually would do this given the chance. She also hasn't let him see the child for a couple of weeks now and said he never will until he is back with her.

What should I do? I really like this man, I do not want to be threatened into leaving him when he is the first person in ages I have liked. On the other hand I have my own DS to think about.

That was long sorry!

Seriously?

If she's that violent and unstable he should be phoning the police who should be raising a safeguarding alert with the LA with regards to the child.

I would back off if I were you, it's not a situation you should be involved with because it sounds as though he's unlikely to do anything about it and this will just continue.

She is unlikely to just calm down.

Besides the fact that she sounds like a lunatic, you have another problem- your bf. He doesn't want to do anything even though it's quite serious? Why are you just accepting this? The police should be involved for a start but it seems like he's not interested so this might well end up your problem. You say you like him a lot, but it's a shame that he doesn't feel this way enough to want to protect you from her. Another point, he's willing to do nothing and accept not seeing his child and you're ok with all that? Have a good look at if this is someone you see having a future with.

It's a shame he doesn't feel the need to protect his own fucking child from someone who is clearly so mentally unstable.

He needs to grow a pair and start engaging with the proper authorities - the police, for an anti harassment order, social services, to do an assessment on whether she is looking after the child properly, and a solicitor, to formalise access.

I'm sorry for the guy, seems he's been so conditioned to accept the abuse he doesn't even see it as something to worry about. But what FolkGirl said. He's leaving his child in the sole care of a dangerous, unhinged woman, and now she's threatening his gf and her child too he's still letting it all wash over him as though only he were the one affected by this. It will no doubt be very difficult for him, but he absolutely needs to be getting the Powers That Be involved. Hard to accept, but you cannot save him; if he won't swim for himself, he'll drag you down with him.

Yeah, you need to protect yourself and the child, and let him go sort this out and if he ever does, then let him back round. If you haven't already found someone in a position to have a relationship. Don't let this become your problem!

He's not handling this well at all, and it may be that he needs counselling after being a victim of domestic abuse. The situation is not safe for anyone involved.
He needs support from professionals and I very much doubt that he is in a fit state to be part of a healthy relationship.

"I do not want to be threatened into leaving him when he is the first person in ages I have liked"

When it comes to your personal safety and that of your child, you have to be pragmatic. Some people are very nice but come with too much baggage to make them viable partner material. Suggest you tell him that you can't take the risk that this person is serious and that, if he wants a relationship, he has to properly deal with the threat.

Afraid I don't see much hope here. If she is as bad as you describe, no way should he be allowing his dc to be living with someone as volatile as this. Why on earth isn't he following all the channels to protect the welfare of his child? And why would you want your child to grow up around this circus?

I'm sure your bf has been on the end of some terrible experiences, which may well explain his sense of powerlessness but you can't fix this. He has to. Honestly? I would tell him that you really like him but that you cannot take the relationship any further until he has sorted things out so that EVERYONE'S welfare is protected. Then lead by example and put your own dc's security first.