What to do about difficult MIL , fed up now (and a bit scared)

[hopesteadman]

Have name changed as could be recognised.

MIL can be difficult. She is usually fine. She does have a dominating and controlling personality but usually her heart is in the right place and she is generally popular with people.

When something or someone displeases her though she loses her temper. She either lashes out (with other SIL) or does the silent treatment (with me). I can't bear tension/unpleasantness and this really affects me and I am actually a bit scared sometimes of her responses, even when talking on the phone so I try to end the conversation ASAP.

Afterwards she does feel bad and acts as though nothing has happened. Now that I am sort of used to the pattern I expect she will get over it but the tension can last for days. I don't think she will change now. I just need strategies for managing her and not letting it get to me so much.

Lol at that conversation FunkyBoldRibena, would love to be able to pull that off. Normally I would call her daily or every other day but won't now. Will see if she calls.

Cogito there is a heck of a lot of insecurity and taking offence and being judgemental and having a very fixed idea of how people should behave.

oh god, sounds like you're walking on eggshells.

Nothing in life is worth that.

You'd call your mother in law daily? I don't even call my mother weekly! Bloody hell.

Be fabulously busy and stop calling her all the time.

Lol yes FunkyBoldRibena, mostly call every other day. Usually it's fine and manageable but for now I definitely won't.

I don't call my mil, ever. That is clearly dh's territory. Our marriage has been blessed with a 500+ mile distance as well. Does she live next door/ close by?

Perhaps rethink the definition of the relationship. Do you feel to be a part of an organism where she is the heart and brains? What is the nature of your privacy boundaries with her? Imho, if you tell her everything, then that gives her power. I would consider not talking to her about your family, for example. That would be none of her business.