What is 'normal'

[elenuntis]

Ok, so I've lurked for a while and read this section a lot in search of what is a normal relationship - I sometimes think our marriage is far from normal, here's a few examples:

We never really talk about anything and its very difficult to discuss anything without resulting in sulk, anger or hurtful remarks. Totally uncompromising.

OH never wants to do anything, just sits on sofa watching TV. My OH has almost no friends, and never goes out with them, or does anything with them and has fallen out with lots of neighbours and my family by being 'difficult'.

Never disciplines the kids, they get away with murder and often undermines me.

Terrible sex-life, very one sided and always conditional. Zero affection or even warmth in any aspects of our life.

So, I know there's 2 sides to every story, and I'm sure that I'm far from perfect - but it is normal to feel like this after 10 yrs of marriage? Is it just the grind of marriage, family life and pressures - or does this seem really bad?

Again, thank you for the advice.

I don't want to leave, I just want to make things better. Its so difficult to communicate though, my OH has no regard for my feelings or my POV, hence there is never any compromise on anything.

I feel most helpless because they hold all the cards and I have no leverage to negotiate or seek compromise on anything at all.

I'm not convinced that my OH is a bad person, just very bad interpersonal skills, just like in-laws who talk at each other, not with each other.

The usual advice of "talk it through" isn't really an option due to a unwillingness to enter into open and sincere dialogue.

Would counselling help?

More women need to think about what they are prepared to accept...Like someone said earlier, it's 'not normal but it is common'.
The problem is many women don't actually consider what they really want they just think oh this is how it is....The reality is we should be setting out what our expectations are and that is to be in a completely mutually respectful relationship where there is equity. Too many women are basically scared...scared to be alone because of what they might 'say' about them. And so they put themselves in miserable, abusive relationships.
Too tired to go on tonight and maybe it's just because I've just finished 'the Womens room' by Marilyn French-sad how this book is still so relevant today...We need feminism more than ever.