Posting as a diary...no need to respond but support appreciated

[HavingAnOffDAy]

I've posted about H and our relationship before.

I'm pretty much disengaged from emotionally but need to leave him/get him to leave.

Today I got up with the DC's, we played for a bit & then the usual bickering between them started.

H came downstairs at 9 saying 'well done, yet another weekend you've avoided giving me a BJ'

Kids argued about something minor, I tried to sort it & chaos descended.

H was shouting at the DC, they were shouting at/about each other. H started his usual complaining at my patenting skills to the DC and calling me thick which is when I argued back. I've totally had enough of how he does this.

He deflects any conversation about it by point blank refusing to talk, calling me a nag, calling me by my mums name as a childish insult.

I ended up shouting, which I'm not proud of, but it ultimately ended with him grabbing me round the throat, pushing me about & then drawing his fist back as if to punch me, saying 'you really want one don't you'

I'm calm, DCs are eating breakfast but what a fucking mess

I've been in contact with a solicitor this morning to make an initial appointment.

Does anyone have any advice on what info I should take with me/the type of things I should be asking please?

H was home last night when we got back. He stayed out of the way and has done the same this morning. I can tell from his demeanour that he is still blaming me & thinks that I was being unreasonable

I don't really know what docs you need to salvage, i just had to offer you support and encouragement to get out of there/have him removed. He's dangerous, explosive and abusive which, of course, you know ... but are perhaps a little habituated to as well? Please put safety first.

I'm going to be worried about you until you're "out" of this ....

Yes, you're right - I'm used to it & so I don't suppose I see this as different to the other times he's behaved this way.

Except that this time I am more 'awake' to the fact that it is unacceptable. Until now when he has done this the DC have been unaware, but his continued criticism of me to them, plus his general shouty behaviour is affecting them now which is intolerable to me.

I feel numb to it, have moments of tearfulness but know I just need to get on with it.

Sorry I got the wrong end of the stick and thought he'd grabbed you in front of your DCs. Still no excuse for his behaviour though.

Did you arrange a consultation for later this week with a solicitor this morning? You are the primary carer, ask them your position if you want to stay in your DCs' home but make your abusive H leave. Ask if legal fees for a divorce can be made to come from the joint family savings.

Be cautious. Always log out of MN and delete your history on the Internet.

I'm afraid any attempt at a sensible conversation is unlikely to work with a manipulative and controlling person. H will argue all of your problems as a couple are your fault. Stay quiet about getting legal advice, in case H kicks off again.

I have an appointment with a solicitor next Thursday to get initial advice. I've got no intention of trying to speak to H about it before then/at all.

He has continued his campaign of blaming - today I was called irrational & petty for not allowing him to take my car to work as his needed petrol. I work full time too.

grrrr .. he wasn't projecting much then, was he?

Stay resolute, Day ...

Please get out, take your children, tell your family.

He's stood in the kitchen now smirking & laughing as I try & get our youngest settled.

He played with him beyond his bedtime then disappeared to make food.

He's trying to show me how I'll struggle with 2 DC if he's not on the scene. How little he knows

I think you can allow yourself a few smirks of your own Day

What he did was try to sabotage bed-time of course.
Oops, were we not supposed to suss that?

Exactly tipsy. Ive lived with him too long to not spot his little tricks anymore.

He'll get the shock of his life being served divorce papers.

I kind of like this calm before the storm approach .

I think he thinks he'll have me apologising & begging forgiveness for my misdemeanours before the week is out.

I changed the contact & password details on my savings account today so that he can no longer have access.

Please be careful. This man has already crossed the line into dangerous physical violence and, if he suspects that you are serious about leaving him, he may well attempt to kill you. If he becomes aggressive again call the police and have him removed. THey will come, they will arrest him, it will be on record, which will help when it comes to keeping him out of your home and restricting his access to DC (you want supervised contact and no direct contact between him and you.)

SGB it's clear he has no remorse what so ever & he's positioning himself to demonstrate how awful I am & how he is the injured party.

One finger on me, or any threats at all, will result in me making that call. The penny has finally dropped & I no longer want to be in this marriage, for my sake or that of the DCs.