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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being paranoid? Or is this a slap in the face after what we agreed?

10 replies

Gotfooledagain · 24/08/2014 22:36

Have nc for this. H and I have had a terrible year: main issues are his drinking (not major drunkenness but drinking every day), lack of intimacy (not sex but affection -- he makes no effort), and his inability/refusal to prioritise family time over drinking/slobbing out: he almost never does anything with me and DD at weekends, even going to park is a big ask.

After months of this I asked him to move out six weeks ago on a trial basis for a month, telling DD he was just going away to work. He moved in with friend, called every day saying he was broken, would change/stop drinking etc. Has not moved back in, but has been dropping by every day and for past fortnight had appeared that things had turned a corner: one can of beer in two weeks, lots of attention, really considerate, all the stuff I had been missing.

Then, Friday night he picks DD up from nursery, brings her here and cooks me a meal (no booze), we sleep together. Was like old times. He stayed over. I was apprehensive about this as didn't want to upset or confuse DD or move too fast but it seemed very natural so went with it.

Then Sat, after having promised to take DD out for the day, he cleaned the house and then went back to bed and spent the whole day there while I ran errands with DD. I was mildly irritated but let it go as he had worked a 14-hour shift on Fri. Sat night I asked him what his plans were for the rest of the w/e: he said he wanted to take DD and I out for a treat today and spoil us and could he stay over... I went to bed (alone), feeling cautious but wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Today he disappeared at 11, saying he needed to do an errand and then we heard nothing from him. I assumed he had thought better of moving too fast and gone to friend's house, then got back from the park at fiveish to find him in the kitchen, not drunk but having clearly been drinking, still drinking. He then stuck a movie on and watched with DD, I then put her to bed and when I went back to the living room found him crashed out on the sofa. Woke him and asked him pointedly but politely whether he thought it was time he went back to friend's house and he rolled over and muttered something about "why do you have to spoil everything?"

After everything that has happened this feels like a real insult. I feel he has violated my trust completely by reverting to the exact behaviour that prompted me to ask him to leave within the space of a weekend (and a BH weekend at that), and to do so in our home with our DD here. Am I over-reacting? Or is he taking the piss?

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 24/08/2014 22:39

He is taking the piss and you are not over-reacting.

HumblePieMonster · 24/08/2014 22:41

yes, he's taking the piss.

Finney2 · 24/08/2014 22:42

No point flogging a dead horse OP. You've given him more than one chance. What an idiot he is. I'd move on without him if I were you. Good luck xx

LabradorMama · 24/08/2014 22:43

Taking the piss. In fine style.

dreamingbohemian · 24/08/2014 22:43

Good lord. No you are not over-reacting.

I think you were very nice to give him another chance but clearly he's not worth it. Has he left now?

Castlemilk · 24/08/2014 22:46

You're not overreacting.

Get rid.

If this is his idea of being 'broken' and changing blah blah, I think you can guess what sort of a life you and your DD are in for if you don't get out.

He won't change. The only unknown is really how long you will try for, and therefore how much time you will waste on him. Your DD is only young once: don't waste a second would be my advice.

TapWellies · 24/08/2014 22:47

He is the pissiest piss taker ever.

Gotfooledagain · 24/08/2014 22:49

Dreamingbohemian:no, he is asleep on sofa. I can't face a row about it now. He is out on his ear in the morning.

I just feel like a mug. And I am amazed that after everything that has happened he thinks this isn't going to piss me off.

OP posts:
pregnantpause · 24/08/2014 22:53

You're not over reacting! His behaviour is like a slap in the face. So disrespectful and disingenuous.

Actions speak louder than words. His actions are saying a lot more about how he feels than his pleas of change. Let your next action speak loudly to the cockcloth- don't give him another chance

RainbowB7 · 24/08/2014 22:56

You're not overreacting. Clear he can't keep up decent behaviour for very long. Sorry OP :(

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