How do you cope with nerves when meeting someone from online dating in real life?

[coffeewithchips]

After breaking up with my long term boyfriend earlier this year, I decided to take the plunge and try online dating. I have a really busy job where I don't get the time to meet people and I thought it would be quite fun after hearing friends' recommendations.

It's been good so far...except for one huge problem. I have found about 3 men who I get on well with. We chat online and they seem lovely but when they suggest meeting up, I become a huge coward. I have a nice man who is asking me to swap numbers after a few weeks of chatting and I'm even finding that scary.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I know there's no point online dating if I lose my nerve every time they want to meet. But the thought of it terrifies me. I've never done the 'blind dating' thing before. All of my relationships have come from friendship, where I see that person regularly and nothing is forced. The thought of meeting a stranger and trying to get to know them, having them judge me or perhaps even reject me...argh. And what if I meet them and they look nothing like their photo or they're not as nice as they seemed?

Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I should just come off online dating altogether (though that would be a shame.) Did anyone else have this problem and manage to overcome it?

I'm not sure you're ready for dating if it makes you this anxious.

One thing you could do if you want to give it a go is to arrange to meet for coffee but have a couple of friends already there so you can feel comfortable that you are not alone. Don't make eye contact with them though.

It does help to exchange numbers and have a chat first, either the man will lead on the talk or he will ask you questions, just see it as chatting to a friend and be yourself.

Best to meet in a couple of weeks at the most so you don't waste yours or their time. If they look like nothing in their profile photo, no big deal, you can just have a coffee, say bye and not see them again if you don't want to. I wouldn't worry about whether they look like their photo, how they chat is more important. That said, I don't reply to anyone without a photo.

Please think seriously whether you are ready to take this step, dating should be fun. A few nerves is normal but not to be this worked up over it.

Good luck.

I don't have much advice to overcome nerves but I met my OH via online dating and we did the best thing for our first date. It was bowling and mini-golf. We where 18 and 21 so it might be a bit too young for you but the idea is there. Just go somewhere fun. There was competition and banter built up, plus you could let your hair down and see the real person. We also went to the coffee shop after to just talk.

Unlike going for dinner or just coffee you have that buffer to help build conversion.

Toad how lovely!

Its not that difficult. This is what you do:

Arrange to meet him during the day or early evening for a coffee or quick drink - definitely don't do a meal on a first date, that way you can escape easily without causing offence.

Choose a pub or cafe you're familiar with, and comfortable in, for the location for the first date. Don't drive for an hour to meet him - let him make the most effort Rules girl

Have a dating outfit - mine is jeans and a a pretty top. This is what I wear for all my first dates - one less think to fuss about.

I never exchange phone numbers with my dates - I wouldn't feel comfortable talking on the phone. Instead I tell him I'm happy to meet up for a coffee.

When you see him you'll usually know straight away if they have potential - most won't. Just be smiley and nice and let him take the lead until you've relaxed a little. He will be nervous too.

I never stay for more than an hour and a half, even if I think they may have potential.

Its really not as scarey as you might think.

Have you ever been to a work conference or networking thing or had to meet suppliers or something? Just think of it like that. Do the coffee meeting for one hour and treat it like a work thing.

Don't chat for too long without meeting them though. You build up this image in your head and most of the time they don't live up to it.

I chatted on the phone a few times before I met anyone. I have terrible nerves, so I made a list of things to talk about if conversation started drying up (just casual things like music, films etc, so you aren't giving personal information to a complete stranger). Fortunately, I never needed it, but it did calm my nerves somewhat, knowing it was there if I needed it.

The other thing that helped is remembering that it's not a job interview and it's not just up to you to do all of the impressing. He needs to impress you too.

I agree that you should meet sooner rather than later. Just chat enough to see if the other person is sufficiently interesting and then meet them.
You are selecting them as well, remember? :)

As for conversation, always ask questions if you don't know what to say or you are feeling nervous. Most people are happy to talk about themselves, and it shows you're interested in them.

I have a 2 week time frame,if we haven't met by then I lose interest!

Coffee is the best I agree. Someone people don't like to talk on the phone first,others do, but it does give you an insight into what sort of person they are! It depends how you feel.

Don't be surprised if you find yourself disappointed after meeting! Real life is totally different to OLD!

Come over to the OLD thread - loads of advice over there and a really friendly bunch male and female

I get horrible nerves too so don't meet up with many. I find its best to meet up sooner rather than getting into weeks of messaging and chatting on the phone. However, I've met mostly inarticulate, dishonest fuckwits so feel free to ignore my advice!

I rationalise it by telling myself it is a just a drink and it will be interesting to meet someone new. If conversation dries up then that is down to them as much as me.
Also it is all about will I like them..not whether they will like me or not.

Once a date is arranged (not too long after first contact):

Have a beforehand but only the one

Remember he's just a bloke and this is a meet to see if you like each other enough to want to see each other again.

Think of things about him you'd like to know and can get him to talk a bit about.

Don't plan a big long date. 90 minutes is ample I'd say.

And all of the safety stuff too.

Good luck!

When I was ODing I never gave out my full name or number beforehand. And def meet up sooner rather than later and avoid prolonged messaging.

But key also is expectations. You may get rejected, you may have to reject ( also not pleasant) so key to all of it is that your self esteem is in tact and you are able to say to yourself if you do get rejected "there is nothing wrong with me, it was just one man" and believe it.

It won't be as bad as you think. Try it.