Do men turn into pricks after marriage?

[DollyMixture99]

I'm set to marry my lovely DP in a few months, but after being an avid mumsnet reader for years I'm starting to worry.

My DP is bloody wonderful, absolutely no red flags whatsoever (I have been hyper alert for these ), we have talked at great length about sharing finances/children and we agree how we plan to do it, plus room for any changes.

I've also lived with him for a year (been together three) so I feel like I've "tested the goods". We really are blissfully happy and I genuinely don't think I'd find someone better.

But I read so many threads on here about women with awful DHs and I'm assuming most of them weren't like that before marriage or the DW wouldn't have married them! I'm worried (for no particular reason as there's definitely no signs of this) that my DP will randomly turn into a monster after marriage :(.

I really do want to marry though as kids are hopefully going to be on the cards soon and I want to be married beforehand.

How do you resolve differences of opinion OP?

It helps if the husband has an intelligent mind of his own and is not going to be influenced by other married males who have their own ways of looking at marriage [having been disappointed by their own, and truly cynical] and have sour/outdated ideas of how to 'control the wife'.

My husband was being brain washed by other men at work unbeknown to me and didn't have the strength of character or ability to think for himself [or even talk to me!] to resist the ideas being put into his head....and placed me into the role of being a threat [to his pocket, as I didn't want to return to work f/t until DC were of school age, something I felt strongly about] and that our life should be a certain way...not the way it was [which was fine, but not perfect of course]. Ridiculous.

I couldn't understand his change of personality at the time. He was absolutely fine before marriage and until we had our first child. Then the 'advice' flooded in, feeding on his insecurities [health issues, financial changes, the fact I was dealing with family of origin issues, alteration in social life etc.]

Therefore my observation is that it is at times of stress that the true personality arises....and either you become a strong unit together, or the cracks show and you are on your own. But there isn't a fool proof way of knowing how someone will react to a crisis until it happens. But you should know your partner well though and forewarned is forearmed so best of luck. [A great idea to ask the question and gain so much information like this].

Dolly why are you asking? The reason I'm saying that is that I had small doubts before getting married but ignored them. Nothing major just some niggles. Nothing wrong with us but nothing brilliantly right either. I regret it now and we are splitting.
There are no guarantees for marriage as you will grow old together and life may change you both. These changes (kids, moving, ambitions, money /lack of, illnesses) may bring you closer or further apart.
If there are no red flags then don't invent them because of this board for goodness sake but do be aware that living with someone all the time for years on end brings challenges and they need to be acknowledged and worked on.

Oh yes, and congratulations!
I love a good wedding (best wedding advice ever - everyone will want a piece of you that day so make sure you get some time together too!)

No, but there are a lot of pricks who manage to conceal their prickishness until after marriage and especially children, when they feel that their spouse is 'theirs' and isn't going to walk away, so they relax and let their real natures show.

At the risk of starting a flaming... Annie and newname, I do somewhat agree - but as I've said in my earlier post, it's hardly like it is only men who enter marriage with a What A Wife Is idea lodged deep inside them. Plenty of women will equally have a What a Husband Is idea lodged too, and that will cause just as many problems.

i think i knew deep down my x was selfish but when we'd no kids and i ahd my own money it didn't matter as much as when i was stuck at home with children financially dependent on him. then it was a crisis.
you fiance doesn't sound like my x

Not disagreeing with you, Thurlow. However, the OP is a woman talking about marrying a man, plus the majority of the posters responding have experience from the woman's side, so that's the way the discussion has gone. The other way round, though interesting perhaps, is not really relevant. And we haven't even mentioned same-sex couples. Not every thread has to be about everything.

Women marry pricks because they don't know or understand themselves. Not sure if this is due to an unsupportive upbringing or what, but the woman believes that once she has a ring and a husband than everything in the garden will be rosy, she will keep a happy home, he will bring in the dosh. And life will be bliss. So goes for that without considering any risks.

But being naïve she then finds that he wants more out of marriage than that, or what he brings in isn't enough to keep them, or that he had assumed that she would keep them too, or that he is a selfish git who isn't interested in her etc etc etc

So she has married a selfish git. But obviously it can take a while for that to dawn and for her bubble to burst.

Dozie- that's really not the case for everyone

Well, I'm sure it's not the case for everyone, just one of the reasons it happens.

Also how can you recognize a loving and supportive relationship if you were brought up in other than that. What seems normal from your experience of life could be abusive or selfish.

Thanks for all the replies.

It's not that I'm having doubts about him I'm just worried that marriage will change things in general.

Obviously we don't have kids yet, but he's said he's happy for me to either work or be a SAHM, whichever is best for me.

I grew up in a non-abusive home so I hope my view isn't tainted and I can recognise the signs.

Hi peeps. When I married DW there was plenty of advice on What Wives Are For.

"Fuck you asshole" is the correct response to that sort of thing.

There's a nasty subgroup of cunts who like to turn new husbands and fathers into cavemen like them. It's deliberate, and it occurs for the pathetic reason that these people are lonely. Oh, and they're MASSIVELY jealous of all that sex they think you're getting.