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Original poster

Childhood sweetheart awkwardness meltdown

22 replies

partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:00

Like many others on this site I am a new(ish) mum and through the usual circuits have made friends with a lovely woman who just happens to be married to a man that I have a very strange history with.

Basically we were in love at school but were deeply shy and never admitted it to each other. It kind of carried on (in the back of our minds - we moved apart & were in other relationships) into our 20s and one night we did admit it to each other, but again didn't do anything about it (both in relationships). It basically faded away and now I do not love him and am happily married. But still we were essentially in undeclared love for 15 odd years.

My friend the nice other mum does not know this. In fact nobody apart from me and him knows. However, I have noticed in recent chats with her that he has told her the story (ish) but without identifying it as me! He would never have thought we'd meet it is pure chance we're all in the same place.

Not sure what to do. She is a bit weird with me as if mining for information -- not sure whether to fess up if she confronts me outright.

Weird story- any advice appreciated.

p.s. Me and him never even kissed.

OP posts:
Coughle · 23/08/2014 22:05

Just leave it. No good can come of talking about it, with her or him. If she fishes for info, change the subject.

Loveneverfails · 23/08/2014 22:10

say nothing.

ever.

not worth it.

can only cause harm

Yambabe · 23/08/2014 22:11

You weren't in love ffs, you just fancied each other!

Nothing happened, you knew each other at school then lost touch, end of story. Even if his DW is "fishing" there isn't anything to tell.

I think you are over-thinking what was essentially a teenage infatuation. Everyone has one! Just laugh it off and get on with your life, and your friendship. Smile

Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:13

Yambabe that's not true but that is what I will say if anyone asks me, as it doesn't amount to any more than that.

I hand on heart can say it is only in the last 6 years that I have not felt excruciating heartache for her husband!

OP posts:
capsium · 23/08/2014 22:15

Ask yourself, seriously, about outcomes.

And then decide which you wish to pursue. This should inform you of your next action.

Smartiepants79 · 23/08/2014 22:20

Well if she asks you outright I'd own up to it being you but I'd calmly down play it from there on in. Essentially there is nothing to tell. nothing happened. You fancied each other years ago, you are both clearly now in committed relationships, isn't it a small world etc.etc....

Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:21

Yes I don't want her to know - I just find it awkward that she skirts around it, and really hope she doesn't ask. She's a very nice woman, shy but also open in a sisterhood-y kind of way.

OP posts:
Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:21

Yes Smartiepants I think that is the way to do it.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 23/08/2014 22:21

It's a difficult situation because she will get it out of him eventually.

Was she 'mining' you for info because you were at school with him?

I think you're going to have to keep changing the subject every time she asks you, and she'll probably stop eventually

Now you're around he will have to tell her it was you in the long run, I reckon she'll figure it out, women's intuition and all.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/08/2014 22:23

She is a bit weird with me as if mining for information -- not sure whether to fess up if she confronts me outright

'Oh that - crikey I'd forgotten all about that night! I think I'd had a bit too much to drink. Now, anyone for tea?'

Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:24

I think so Twinklestein, but also maybe testing how much I knew him.

He can be quite a closed book of a man -- but of course she could get it out of him, and the fact that she talks about topics related means she probably does mull his past over or has something unresolved about it (he is 100% trustworthy btw, and lovely, she has nothing to worry about).

When they met on the other side of the world on some fantastic adventure or other he must have told her the high romance of it -- it was an unusual situation. But now here we all are, in the playground...

OP posts:
Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:26

Hehe yes Funky -- That is also completely true. Just think how drunk you'd have to be to walk home holding hands with someone from school admitting that you'd always loved them, ten years on!

OP posts:
Yambabe · 23/08/2014 22:32

But Funky there was no "that night"!

There literally isn't anything to tell........ except some teenage angst.

I still think about my first "love" too partyskirt. We never actually got it together for various reasons, I think I was probably into him way more than he was into me at the time looking back, but we did kiss a few times. We got back in touch through facebook a couple of years ago, and have met in social situations since. Despite having been with my DH (who knows all about it btw) for 21 years I have to admit than when we meet I still get the odd tummy butterfly, but we (me, him, my DH and his current DP) have laughed about it together......

So despite sounding a bit curt I do know where you are coming from, I just think you are taking it all a bit too seriously Smile

Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:34

Yes probably Yambabe! I think it's just because I've never told anyone that it's kind of like an embarrassing secret of mine that might come out.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 23/08/2014 22:35

I think the weirder you act about it the bigger deal it becomes. There is no point pretending it didn't happen but just minimise it. It is no longer relevant, hopefully she is just curious.

Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:37

Also Funky is right there sort of was a that night.

Basically we were drunk at a mutual friend's party and left together, he walked me home holding hands and admitted his ltr (6 years) had failed because he had been in love with me, and still was, and I kind of admitted the same -- however I was shacked up with someone else then (not yet DH) and wouldn't take it further. He did try calling etc. but I was frightened and rabbit in headlights. I had a very dim view of leaving one relationship for another in my mid-20s, very overly moral high horse.

OP posts:
Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:39

I realise this whole post is a bit bonkers, and an extremely lightweight problem compared to the others on the thread!!

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 23/08/2014 22:39

It's the wife's probing plus the fact he didn't say who it was that makes it tricky, because in a way it's not really for you to say, it's between her and him.

Twinklestein · 23/08/2014 22:40

Don't worry at all OP, it's nice change from cheating husbands, I'm interested to read your dilemma.

BBQSteak · 23/08/2014 22:45

I'd forget the friendship there loads of mums to be friends with

Original poster
partyskirt · 23/08/2014 22:46

No, BBQ - we do live just round the corner from each other.

OP posts:
BBQSteak · 23/08/2014 22:48

so what if you live round the corner from each other, doesn't mean you have to be friends and hang out with her

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