Should I leave and is it all down to me

[downindumpsbutok]

Hi I posted this in AIBU and been advised to post here

Will try to keep brief and answer any questions
I have epilepsy
I also had an horrific birth about 18 months ago where I did not feel supported by Dh at all. He was not on my side at all and kept yelling at me to calm down. i felt totally bullies by the midwifes and him. After the birth which resulted in forceps and massive hemorrhage the midwife turned to DH and said "well done for bulling her". He was that taken up with DS when he was born that he did not even here the doctor say "if the bleeding does not stop you will have I make some decisions". He also has no idea how much blood I lost as he was not taking any notice.

Since then I have just wanted to be left alone by the medical profession and have not followed up epilespy appointments as I should (some got cancelled and I did not make new ones) I just needed a break from all things medical. I have also admitted to pretending to make an appointment when I didn't. No excuses for that all at I just couldn't go through with it.
Fast forward to now and I have admitted this after being interrogated by him. He is now saying he does not know if he has the strength to support me if I don't support myself.
I have explained time and time again why I did what I did and told him I did not feel supported during the birth.
He said he does not know if he wants to be with me and we should wait and see. In the meantime he has moved into the spare room. Tonight I was having a bath and he will not come in the room.
Since the discussion I have made all my appointments. My parents have even offered to pay for me to see a private consultant in Liverpool as he specialises in my type to epilepsy but DH made that much of a fuss about taking me that I cancelled it.
I know what I did was wrong and I deserve to be hauled over the coals but does it really merit a marrage end.
I have been uncontrolled for 15 years and he know when he married me.
I want to cry

Just to add a bit of stuff that I added on later posts on AIBU after being asked stuff
Since the birth I have been diagnosed with post tramatic stress disorder and PND
I have had epilepsy for over 15 years, it has always been uncontrolled and DH married me knowing this
He had always been really supportive of epilesy till Ds came along. We had long talks before he was born about how my epilesy had never been under control and perhaps never will. He now sulks when I have a seizure and had a go at me

I have also forgiven him for stuff in the past
Accessing porn on the computer, caught him out three times and each time he vowed to stop
One time he even told me he needs to look at porn before coming to have sex with me as he needs it to get him in the mood
He also throws things in temper no at me and not at DS but it is scary

You need to go and see the consultant about your type of epilepsy.

My sister is epileptic and when it was bought under control her quality of life improved drastically.

to my mind your husband sounds very unkind. I'm not sure that his behaviour doesn't increase your stress levels which might make your epilepsy worse.

My parents have even offered to pay for me to see a private consultant in Liverpool as he specialises in my type to epilepsy but DH made that much of a fuss about taking me that I cancelled it

So he gets angry with you when you have a seizure, and has threatened to leave you for failing to get appropriate medical attention, but he also won't do anything to facilitate you getting specialist help for your epilepsy?

He sounds like he has something wrong with him.

You owe it to your son to be healthy so you need to get your epilepsy under control and you need to attend your appointments. Imagine if you had a seizure whilst alone with your son. what would happen then?

why do you need your dh to take you to appointments? Can you not use public transport?

My son would be fine as I have ten minutes warning if a seizure coming and I put him in a play pen.
I once had my hair hacked off on a bus while having a fit so not really a fan of public transport

Also I do owe it to my son to try and "be healthy" and get my seizures under control but if my epilepsy does not come under control I am no less of a mum to him as any other disabilied person is no less of a parent to their child.
At the moment if I get an aura for a seizure he goes in a play pen, he will grow up with them if I carry on havin them and to him they will be "normal" and he will know how to deal with them. So I do not see having a seizure when I am alone with my son as the end of the world.

Yes you should leave.

No, it is not all down to you. It's him.

Good luck. I have just left my DH - for different reasons to you but equally pressing. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

He is now saying he does not know if he has the strength to support me if I don't support myself.

What does he mean by having the strength to support you? Your posts suggest he doesn't support you. He shouted at you during labour. Didn't even notice that you were in danger from haemorrhaging. Made a fuss when you made a much needed appointment. Sulks when you have a seizure. What support is he talking about?

And your DH should not be throwing things in a temper in a way that scares you. One day that will scare your DS.

You sound so unhappy OP. I hope you're able to attend the appointments you've made and get as much help as you can.