To not be looking forward to my birthday...

[MumoftheBoyandtheGirl]

It's my birthday on Sunday and have struggled the past few years during this time. We moved into our first own (mortgaged not rented) home in July last year. On my birthday last year we almost split up due to my dd being miserable and me being drunk :(. Ive been off work with depression since Easter, but will be starting a new job in September (some apprehension). I just want this birthday to go by without any drama - (I'm an only child and always put great importance and expectation on my birthday). How can I just enjoy the day without any drama (married for 11yrs dd16 ds11). I guess I want to know how to live with a lowered expectation? I have no friends to go out with or family (all live too far away). I don't know how to cope?? (And I know that sounds really stupid, but it's how I feel :( ).

Ah happy birthday for tomorrow. I think you need to set out your own plan of how you want your day to go. Like lunch out or shopping or afternoon tea and just go to it with your family. Or just go out with your dd for a few girlie hours and then watch a film with your ds and dh later. If I didn't organise something on my birthday nothing would happen but I don't really care but if you care then manage your own expectations.

Happy birthday for tomorrow

Why don't you explain to your family how you feel and discuss what if anything you'd like to do? Your DCs are old enough now to realise sometimes life is hard and might surprise you with making it the best birthday yet

My family never had any great birthday celebrations - always had presents, cake etc - so I don't have great expectations as some people seem to.

Why not have a nice day out with your DC - shopping, lunch, theatre, cinama. Enjoy their enjoyment.

And don't get drunk - that's unfair to your DC and is not going help, is it?

Have a great day!

How about you have a plan of what you can do that doesn't involve anyone else. Then you have more control over how it goes, whereas you have no control over other people. If your family then suggests something better it's a bonus, but you still have your fallback plan. That's how I manage my birthdays.

Happy birthday for tomorrow!
How do you want tomorrow to pan out? And I agree with Crimsonsilk - don't get drunk and talk to your family about what you're all doing.

Hope you have a lovely day

Thank you all for your replies. I can't see tomorrow as being successful at all now :( My husband has got really drunk tonight so he'll be sleeping in late, and I've just had to have a diazepam due to a panic attack :(. I wish I didn't care! I've tried so hard to not give one - but a panic attack came out of nowhere and blindsided me. I'm upset about that and worried about the outcome of tomorrow. First world problems huh - I'm such an idiot at times. I really hate it! xx

Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Its my birthday tomorrow as well (a big one ending in 0) and like you am not looking forward to it. It's not panning out how I thought it would as dh is ill and recent family circumstances mean that we can't celebrate anything. However, I have bought myself a very expensive bottle of fizz and have decided that that is my birthday celebration along with a day off housework and I will look forward to it and sod the rest of them so from one birthday to another have a fab day in your own way - your day, your rules!! Sending you a huge un mumsnet birthday hug x

You're a bit hard on yourself OP.

Have you had some bad birthdays as a child? Are there some underlying emotions/associations to birthdays that make it feel as though there's more at stake for you?

Just try and think of one nice thing to do for yourself tomorrow and focus on that. And TELL the DH/C one thing or more that you would like them to do and really take the time to appreciate it.

Happy birthday OP

Happy birthday!
Let me spoil you with some and birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Ok, even though last night wasn't great, why don't you:

(1) book a table for somewhere this evening - or if you can't face it, resolve to order your favourite takeaway;

(2) how old is your DD? Can you leave her your DH while you go out and do a bit of indulgent birthday shopping for yourself?

(3) get a really nice cake;

(4) generally insist (in a jolly way) that everyone else treats you like a queen - tea on tap, your favourite TV/films etc

Would better obvs if someone did some of these things for you. Would your DH be prepared to do some booking/cake shopping? And if not, why not?