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Original poster

Advice pls goin on holiday with an ex... Dos and donts??

15 replies

LoFo2013 · 22/08/2014 23:38

Hi me and my ex have two young children and booked to go on holiday before we broke up.. We have been split up for 4-5weeks now and are on oki sh terms.. We agreed to still go on holiday together for the kids sake because it will be there first holiday and would be nice to experience it as a 'family' my only worry is.. Will it be awkward? Especially on a night when kids are in bed? What should I talk about? How should I act? He's shown no sign of wanting me back and I don't want him back although I still do love him.. Any advice?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 22/08/2014 23:44

Mine are:

Don't go on holiday with the ex

Do find someone else to go with

Sorry if that's not particularly helpful! But it does sound like a recipe for tears tbh.

getthefeckouttahere · 22/08/2014 23:47

Don't go.

Seriously don't go. The temptation is obvious but you are simply portraying a reality that no longer exists. It will confuse the kids and will in the short to medium term be a complete head fuck for you two.

It may be possible further down the line but imo its a mistake. Sorry ti be so downbeat about it.

mineofuselessinformation · 23/08/2014 00:03

I went on a holiday with my now xh before we split, knowing that we would. It was the most miserable experience of my life. My advice? Don't do it.

AlienTaxFiend · 23/08/2014 00:16

It can be done! I did it, and although it was sad and horrible in many ways, it just confirmed the decision to split up that we'd already made. The very worst parts were after our kids (6 and 8 at the time) had gone to bed but he usually went up just after. We had to share a bed and I lay there for hours while he snored and it rained on the skylight! The only time I cried was when my 8 yr old said 'this is the best holiday we've ever had', basically because we were trying to be civil and he wasn't as selfish as usual. However your kids have never had the family holiday experience so might not be advisable to start??

AlienTaxFiend · 23/08/2014 00:17

It can be done! I did it, and although it was sad and horrible in many ways, it just confirmed the decision to split up that we'd already made. The very worst parts were after our kids (6 and 8 at the time) had gone to bed but he usually went up just after. We had to share a bed and I lay there for hours while he snored and it rained on the skylight! The only time I cried was when my 8 yr old said 'this is the best holiday we've ever had', basically because we were trying to be civil and he wasn't as selfish as usual. However your kids have never had the family holiday experience so might not be advisable to start??

PlantsAndFlowers · 23/08/2014 00:44

I don't think it does kids any favours to have a fake family set up.

marcopront · 23/08/2014 06:05

I've done it and more than once.

We live in two different countries, when I take DD to his country I will go on holiday and sometimes he comes with us. We also stay with him or he stays with us. The plan is at Christmas I will take her there, she will stay with him and I will go somewhere on my own, we'll see how that goes.

It has been horrible, OK and good. What has been different has been his attitude, which has partly been affected by his relationships. I have always made it clear to DD that just because we are on holiday doesn't mean Mummy and Daddy are back together. The nights are the worst but we often all go to bed at the same time. Even when it was good there were tense moments and times I was glad we had split up.

In your situation I would say don't do it. It is too soon after the break up and would confuse them and as someone else said they would expect it in future.

43percentburnt · 23/08/2014 07:47

I guess it depends on the dynamics of your relationship and why you split up. I would prefer to chew my own arm off then sit on a plane with my ex!

My biggest concern would be that the kids thought we would be getting back together.

Isetan · 23/08/2014 09:01

Start as you mean to go on, a family holiday so soon after your split is confusing to everyone. Boundaries, contact arrangements etc is where the focus should be.

HumblePieMonster · 23/08/2014 09:04

Do put it off.
Don't, if you go, have sex.
But if you do go, you will have sex.

amyhamster · 23/08/2014 09:05

would be nice to experience it as a 'family'

this speaks volumes really
do you want to get back together and keep the family together?
why did you split up?

Cabrinha · 23/08/2014 09:10

What nonsense to say sex is inevitable!

My ex and I lived together still for 4 months whilst I bought another house, our 4 yo didn't know we'd split as I thought it would be less confusing at her age to be told when the new house was in place.

He joined us about a month in for the weekend at Haven, we were doing the full week.

It was easier I suppose because I was still living with the arsehole, my daughter didn't know, and only one member of my family knew - 4 were there too.

I certainly didn't have sex with him! But I did spend the weekend thinking all the time "god, I fucking hate you".

I could have done a holiday just the three of us - but he would have constantly irritated the shit out of me.

Cabrinha · 23/08/2014 09:12

Is it UK? Do you have options to call time and one go home part way if it's awful?

inneedofsomeclarity · 23/08/2014 15:58

I did it a fortnight ago, a week after we split up, camping, only for 5 days thankfully. I was dreading it but actually we got on ok, although he really irritated the crap out of me, making me even more glad about my decision. I went to bed with our dds and read so didn't have the awkward evenings and we made some lovely memories for the girls. However, he moved out 1 hour ago (hooray) and I am rejoicing!
Good luck,
xx

Original poster
LoFo2013 · 24/08/2014 11:53

The children are 21month and 7month old, we get on ok still we split because he said he had fallen out of love with me but still loved me as the mother of his kids, he visits the kids pretty much every day. We were going to stay together until the holiday was over but I told him to leave because I couldn't sleep in the same bed as him.. We are going to haven it's only a couple hours away so if things go badly we would come home anyway... I don't think we would end up having sex because we never when we were together for the last two month of the relationship.. He said he didn't find me attractive anymore... (Iv since lost two stone) I just want the kids to really enjoy themselves and I'd struggle to do activities with my oldest if I was on my own.. I feel like I'm over the split I couldn't imagine getting back with him he's put me through a lot even tho we still talk and get on ok.. We were meant to get married last month but he told me 2weeks before to cancel it all so a lot has gone on since then but I feel in a much better place so this holiday would be purely about the kids... Bet you guys think I'm mental lol

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