Ds's first weekend with ex

[PPaka]

So, he's taking him to his friends house for the weekend. They have a farm, 3 kids similar age, who he's met a number of times before.
Long train journey, but I've set up iPad/books/colouring etc

Today ds realises I'm not going and cries, sobs.
We've been talking about it for weeks, he was really looking forward to it. He says he thought they were just going for the day.

He will have a great time when he gets there, but he's really pulling at heart strings
Says he wants a family holiday

How are you getting on with remedying that? A distressed & confused little boy has to be a pretty compelling motivation to speed up the process.

Well we haven't been here over the holidays.
And he's not here during the week and sleeps most weekends.
When ds goes back to school next week I'm going to go back to solicitor
We had agreed to wait until Dec when he gets his bonus, but that's 17 weekends away

Flippinada, I had lots of things planned, but unfortunately everyone cancelled
I have just done some jobs in the garden that have made me feel a million times better!

That sounds like a hideously stressful situation all round. Are you worried that he will refuse to go, if you all him?

*ask him

Glad you found the gardening helpful . When are they back?

I would bet a crisp tenner that 'when he gets his bonus' is not the end of the story and that some other reason for kicking the can down the road would strangely materialise in December. You're not dealing with a reasonable person here.

He refuses to go because he can't afford it.
But the amount of money that slips through his fingers is shocking

Yes, cogito I'll bet money on that.
I'll get things lined up with the solicitor
We can't afford this house now, let alone when he gets a flat.
It's stupid to try and hang on to it( I'm not btw, I'd move tomorrow)

Just watched the movie "about time"
Boy and dad relationship.
Can't see for tears

He's sending me texts about him burping, surely he can deal with that ?!

Now he's saying that ds said he hates him, he wants another daddy and mummy will find one

That has not come from me, if ds has said it, he's thought it himself

That's awful. It sounds like he is trying to get a reaction. Just ignore, or send a message saying something completely neutral like "ok thanks for letting me know".

I'm sorry you are feeling sad. This is not intended as a snarky question at all, just something to reflect on, but why do you think the the film made you cry?

Your poor DS. Whether he specifically said that or not (and it sounds like a cynical guilt-trip attempt to me tbh), it's true that what damages children is not whether parents are together or apart but whether the children grow up in an acrimonious or harmonious environment.

Because it's a lovely father/son relationship
And I am just fooling myself that ex can ever do that

My son is never going to have that relationship

I totally understand why that would upset you. Poor DS, and you .

Have you thought about the possibility of moving out into a new place with DS - would you be able to manage that, finance wise? Having your own money makes these things easier - one less thing to worry about.

I have no money
Nothing
I've applied for hundreds of jobs, 30 interviews, some 2nd, 3rd interviews but no job.
I've been on back to work conferences, been selected, but again, no job.

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in. You have my sympathy.

It might be worth going to Shelter for advice about housing. I think there are organisations that can help out with deposits?

Any friends and family locally who would be able to help?

No local family
It's ok, I've been dealing with this situation for years
It's just the last 6 months I've actually been able to get through to him that I'm serious
I do feel like things are coming to a close.
He's sending apology messages now- for being a crap father and husband

I think now he's seen first has the effect it had on ds, he might believe me.

Now he's seen first hand, I mean

This is an awful situation to be in and is no good for you or your DS. One of both of you needs to move out.

I tried living with my ex partner thinking we could live under one roof and the result was I had a nervous breakdown.

I'm not for a moment saying that will happen in this case, not by any means, but please don't underestimate the impact on your mental and physical health.

I can feel myself becoming more and more miserable

Ds home late last night, lots of cuddles!
From the sound if it, he had 2 major meltdowns, but overall he had fun.

Glad your DS is back safe and sound .