Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend using me?

13 replies

Miriam2 · 05/04/2004 10:48

I have an old friend, we go way back, now living abroad. Thing is, she keeps inviting herself to stay! It's always nice to see her, but I'm beginning to think she's using us as a free hotel. The visits are getting more frequent and now she's said she's coming in August with her 2 teenagers! DH is getting annoyed about it as you can imagine.I don't want to lie and say it's not convenient and I don't want to fall out with her, but how can I tell her that I think it's getting a bit much?

OP posts:
Spod · 05/04/2004 10:57

you could just say that you an dh have had a hectic year visitor wise and have promised each other to have a visitor free house this summer so you can all spend time as a family.

tigermoth · 05/04/2004 12:17

Agree with spod. End your piece by saying - 'we'd love to see you the year after, though' Make it plain you still want to see her, so she can't say you're putting her off.

tigermoth · 05/04/2004 12:25

ah, just spotted the fact that you don't want to lie. Is it too much of a lie to go with spod's line? if so,you have a bigger problem than it first appeared.

What do you feel you can you say that is truthful?

Original poster
Miriam2 · 05/04/2004 13:27

What I'd really like to say is 'How about asking us before you book the flights?' but it's not in my nature to be confrontational. Guess that's part of the problem, I always act like everything's ok, then mutter to myself about it! She will have no idea it's getting on my nerves. Spod's advice was good, I can manage a white lie!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 05/04/2004 13:31

How about you actually do agree with DH to have a visitor free summer and then tell your friend?

bobsmum · 05/04/2004 13:32

Book your own family holiday in August?

sis · 05/04/2004 13:54

But it wouldn't be a lie to say that it isn't convenient because it clearly isn't convenient for you or your family to have her over for the visit .

tigermoth · 05/04/2004 18:31

oh I see, miriam. It's not just fact that she wants to visit this year, it's also the fact that she doesn't ever ok the dates with you first.

Can you say how busy you are getting as your children get older. You want to see her, but could she sort out dates with you before she books flights? That sounds a very reasonable request. I mean, she wouldn't dream of booking flights before she booked a hotel, would she? (dare you to say that last bit to her!)

Freckle · 05/04/2004 18:36

Ask her to check dates with you as you have other friends you are having to stay at some point?

aloha · 05/04/2004 18:55

Or that you have your own holidays to organise!! Cheeky moo (her - not you!)

sis · 06/04/2004 09:49

no! don't say that you are going away - she will 'offer' to housesit and make it even more difficult. Use assertiveness and just say it is not convenient - no need to explain why, if she asks, say it is related to very personal family reasons and say no more.

tigermoth · 06/04/2004 09:55

It's so not on to book flights without asking if it's convenient to stay. Definintely put an end to this, whether or not you say you have holiday dates.

FairyMum · 06/04/2004 10:06

You've got to say something to your friend. If you act like it's okey, then she will think it's okey. Saying it in a nice way isn't being confrontational.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread