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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm really confused

5 replies

Mummytobe81 · 19/08/2014 11:49

Very long post sorry. I've been with DP for 3 years now. Before this I was married for 8 years and DP was in a 13 year relationship in which he had a DD. he repeatedly cheated on his ex and left her for someone else when his DD was young. We met online and dated but neither of us were ready I'd not long split up with hubby and he'd not long split up with the girl who he'd left his ex for. Anyway, both of us were pretty messed up and confused and we'd split after he put a photo of him "play kissing" another girl online... 3 months later after I'd visited relate for my own counselling, he text out of the blue and we went out for drinks. Things felt very different. I left all the chasing to him and things soon developed. I moved into his a few months down the line...we've always rowed but make up really quickly and we really love each other. He's so kind and considerate and an amazing father. Unfortunately we had a m/c last year but soon fell pregnant again. The pregnancy was hard going. One night, whilst. 6 months pregnant, he left our iPad open on Facebook and I snooped, i saw sexual Messages to another girl at the start of our relationship. I flipped - I left my ex hubby after affairs which I found our about on fb so this was a kick in the teeth. After much soul searching, mainly because I was pregnant and because he begged and sobbed, I stayed. A few weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful boy. DP has been amazing - there all through the traumatic pregnancy where we mc a twin, bleeds, infections... He buys me flowers, always cooks, takes us all everywhere. But we have started rowing a lot - my hormones aren't helping and I'm really confused. He seems distant - there were scratches on his tummy which he couldn't explain and flipped when I accused him. He's going out on Saturday and Thursday - very unusual for him. Am I just a hormonal mess? I feel like I don't trust him at the minute so shouldn't be with him. I have a really good job and am financially ok which is how I left my ex so easily but just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 19/08/2014 12:35

Ultimately you need to trust your instincts. He's already been a serial cheater - is it likely he has changed?

Your baby is very young so I understand if you feel you don't want to make drastic decisions/moves right now, but you could start making 'Plan B' provisions.

VanitasVanitatum · 19/08/2014 12:44

Poor you. No wonder you don't trust him, he has serious form and has already betrayed your trust.

In your position I would consider that he is basically unable to be truly monogamous. As to where you go from now, I don't know. Set out to him exactly how you feel and that you don't think you can go on living with him, see what he suggests. Maybe he would consider counselling?

dadwood · 19/08/2014 12:49

Hi OP IMO you don't have to row about previous cheating, you can simplify the subject by telling him he has no more chances at all and if you catch him cheating or have good reason to suspect he is, then he has to go, and it will be a really sad thing for all concerned. You aren't accusing him then, you are setting reasonable ground rules.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 19/08/2014 12:55

Amazing father? Uh, no. A man who repeatedly cheats on the mother if his children can't be described as amazing.

Mummytobe81 · 19/08/2014 13:02

Thanks for the lovely replies. Ehric - he's amazing in what he does for them but I guess you're right.

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