just a housewife!!

[fairyprincess]

Hello All - would welcome advice..... here's the story (sorry it's long). I had to contact my mother's doctor seven weeks ago as she was ignoring medical advice. She found out and then calls me to have a good shout. In course of this she says "why would her doctor listen to me as I'm only a housewife" Out of all the things she said this really hit me deep - she was really awful. I've given her the opportunity to be a good grandparent and have made a wonderful home for my children which bears no relation to the shambles of my childhood. Since then we've not spoken. What should I do? Last year we had another tiff in which I had to make a full apology (like John Cleese's character in the film a fish called wanda!!) and I refuse to go through this again. She's very stubborn so I'm waiting to see if she calls me. She's not even bothered to call to ask how her grandchildren are. My sister has spoken to her and she's still mad at me.... Anyhow I'm proud to be a housewife my family is my life.

Hi Fairyprincess
Did she mean that she is only a housewife, or you are only a housewife?

Your mum was angry and she said something which she knew would upset you. Lots of people do this. When women get married and have children, their status in the eyes of society is lowered. This is totally wrong as being a SAHM is one of the most difficult jobs around, but that is the say it is.

You can handle this in one of 3 ways: wait for your mum to contact you and see how you both feel then; contact your mum and apologise; or contact your mum and tell her exactly how you feel, i.e. don't fudge, give it to her straight. I do feel that upsets like this need to be aired otherwise they fester and grow out of proportion to the original dispute.

Hello,
Thanks for the advice. Yes - it is my mother who thinks that I'm just a housewife. Well I might give her a call on wednesday (after the full moon!) - I'll give it to her straight... and I'll let you know what happens.
All the best

I would send her a letter explaining that you only contacted the doctor because you care about her so much, that you are sorry she has decided to blow it out of proportion and that you are very happy and contented being a housewife. Tell her that you are sorry she doesn't want to see you but that you don't want the children to miss out on their Nanna. Tell her that you will leave it to her to contact you when she see's fit and although you aren't ignoring her, you won't be contacting her again because you don't want to get into another confrontation. Finsih it off telling her once more that you love her and care for her.

That's what I'd do

message withdrawn

twiglett, can I say that's a great post

message withdrawn

Me too Twinkie!
FP, I imagine your mother's furious and wanted to hit out because you went behind her back (presumably with very good intentions and believe me I do sympathise, have been in similar situation). We are all entitled to confidentiality and equally entitled to ignore medical advice if we want. Unless your mother is deemed incapable of consent (severe mental illness, unconsciousness, dementia etc.) she has every right to make her own decisions about what her doc recommends. Medical advice is just that, advice.

Oh fairyprincess, i can totally understand how that comment annoys and upsets you!

A few weeks ago my uncle died suddenly and at his funeral my dad was sitting with me,my two sisters and an old freind of his.
The freind asked my dad what we all did for a living. (I am dd3 BTW). He said,"DD1 works part time, dd2 works full time in a clothes shop and dd3 does nothing......well she watches the little'un!"
To which his freind said "Oh lady of leisure eh? " with a wink!!!!!!!!!
I answered with," Oh yes, haave you ever looked after a three year old??"

I was SO upset at this, surely it's a very important job and i'm lucky enough to take time out to do it! The thing was, my dad was EMBRRASSED, i could tell!!

I was furious at being made to feel lazy for staying at home with my daughter!

Anyway, sorry to rant but i wanted to empathise as i know how you feel!

Twigletts post made sence on how to rationalise what she said to you!

Hope you work things out++++++

Was your mum not "just a housewife" once upon a time??!!

Hello all,

Thank you all so much for your time with my problem and for your advice.

I think that I'll write her a letter as I don't want another arguement with my mother. I like the bit about leaving it up to her to contact me and after receiving the letter. It just takes the preassure off.
It's really has been difficult for my sister and me to deal with my mother since 1997! - she had a stroke in '97 and luckily was ok. She never went for a check up despite other worrying health probs for the next 5 years. In 02 she was getting really sick but still refused. She began to act irractically - even cancelling christmas. My sis and me eventually said that if she didn't see a dr straight away we would call an ambulance (we both live far away from her). She saw her dr would sent her to hospital were she had to have a blood transfusion through the night. She discharged herself before my sister could get there on the earliest train. The hospital wanted her to stay so that they could do lots of tests but she wouldn't stay for them and now just complains about having to wait. When she stayed for a week with me I could see she wasn't well plus she just went on and on in a really chirpy manner about her health problems - things like oh look my leg is going blue, my stomach hurts too much to eat and other really worrying probs. I took her to my gp who said that she had to be treated for high blood preassue (160/110) and wrote a letter for her to give to her gp when she got home the next day. She never took the letter and just complained about having to wait for the hospital tests. My sis and I both decided to talk to her gp directly as she has messed about with her health and we would both feel bad if we did nothing & she became ill. I deal with 3 small children all day but my mother is the most difficult person I've ever come across!

Feel better for writing this - I'll let you know what she replies to my letter! Best wishes to all.

Angeliz,
My sympathies on the death of your uncle.

fairyprincess
sorry to butt in here, but just wanted to say - life's too short to not make the first move so I think you are doing the right thing, but, if you have to, make the second and third move too - someone has to be the grown up here, and I think it will have to be you. Good luck hang in there and don't give up on this relationship, I have seen a lot of people live to regret doing just that with their parents/friends and there is no pain like it. {{{}}}} Sorry this is a bit heavy but it is close to my heart

I'm new to this only knew it existed when saw article in Sunday Times.Just wanted to say that I have been "just a house wife " for 8 years. I have2dd & 2ds.m youngest started reception in september & 2 weeks ago i ws offered some hours at kids scool as an ssa . Everyone made a fuss & sent cards etc and I did it for 2 weeks . But I hated it & just wanted to be at home. Now feel a failure because I couldn't cope.dh works long hours & does not contibute with any childcare- perhaps a pick up from Brownies if I'm lucky.My mil really anoyed me by saying that now I was a working women I could have a say!!!My sister is married with no kids & i'm scared to tellher. I feel so pathetic.dh was ok but doesn't understand why I don't want to work especially betwen the hours of 9 and 3 - his words.But I think you should be proud you stay at home!