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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Guilt/sadness about abusive ex who swears he has changed..

46 replies

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 15:08

As above really. I finally LTB after 15 years of verbal, physical and emotional abuse. After a year, during which he has apparently been successfully 'working on his issues' he is swearing that he's a changed man and wants another chance. I have repeatedly said no, though I find this hard. This has resulted in lots of crying and desperate pleading from the ex. I have moved on, have a good life now, plus have met someone else who is really lovely and kind, but this is all being overshadowed by the guilt I feel at upsetting the ex and the sadness that I could make him happy again but won't be doing so. How can I lose this guilt? From what I have read the chances of him having actually changed are very low; plus I think the damage has already been done, even if he has changed now..thanks for reading.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 18/08/2014 16:50

That's exactly what I was going to say badbald

OP, I'm so glad you have found happiness.
Now please ignore this horrible man.
You only communicate through email and it's only regarding the house.
Get your partner to read through the emails before you do to make sure there's nothing in there that will upset you.
Make sure your Ex knows this is what is going to happen!

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 17:31

Hmmm 2014 I am so pleased you have left your abuser! The emotional abuse was probably the worst part of the abuse for me and many people seem to say that. I am sure you will find someone kind when you are ready; my new guy is the kindest, most laid-back, non-shouty person imaginable! TBH after what I have been through I wouldn't bother with a bloke who had any sort of issues at all, I was quite happy being single but its lovely to find someone gentle and genuine so I am sure you will too! Yes I read the Lundy Bancroft book and that is when everything slotted together for me, it is indeed a must-read. I did say to the ex when I left that I would only consider returning if he had specialist therapy but he has not done that. I will try to be hard headed and leave the guilt behind. Good luck Hmm2014 keep us updated :) x
ouryve yes you are right I can still see the danger signs and the entitlement :)
Thanks again

OP posts:
HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 17:40

Thanks for saying it like it is badbalding and hellsbells. All good advice and it has definitely made me stronger and more sure of my stance :)

OP posts:
RedRoom · 18/08/2014 18:13

You have no obligation to let him prove to you that he is changed. He must deal with the results of his own decisions and actions, even if that makes him unhappy. He decided to subject you to 15 years of abuse and now must deal with the fact that you are with a man who won't.

I don't think much of his self-pitying crying and pleading, either. What did he do when you were crying and pleading with him not to be abusive? He didn't give a fuck. If he had an ounce of decency, he'd realise that whilst he change his future by vowing never to abuse a woman ever again, he cannot change the past and undo what he did to you for 15 years.

GrapefruitILoveIt · 18/08/2014 18:16

so what, he's changed, he hasn't changed, very nice.

you don't owe him another chance. just because he puts forward a case that he's not all bad doesn't mean you have to accept him back.

you are entitled to move on. if he were entirely perfect and 100% lovely you still wouldn't have to justify your decision to move on!

And I agree with the others, he hasn't changed, this is just another arrow in his quiver.

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 18:19

That is so true RedRoom! He didn't care when I was crying and pleading. He doesn't know about the new guy because I don't think its a good idea yet. Plus it isn't anything to do with him..

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 18/08/2014 18:22

He hasn't changed, like all of them he has just changed his tactics. Don't be fooled into feeling sorry for him [a tactic that seems to have had the right effect on you].

RedRoom · 18/08/2014 18:43

I think some of his pity and tears are for himself. You need to remind yourself of some of your lowest moments with him and remember how he behaved towards you during them. How he feels now is a direct consequence of his disgusting conduct for 15 years. Call it punishment, if you like.

GrapefruitILoveIt · 18/08/2014 19:31

run fast run far while you have the chance. i left my abusive x, like a fool I went back to him when he promised the sun moon and stars...... not that I ever really believed he'd changed, he just made me feel like I was a cold hard ruthless bitch for not giving him another chance Confused. I was back about three weeks when he was an abusive arse again. it was harder the second time. I felt so ground down

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 20:05

OMG this has been sooo useful! Just to make me feel better about my decision and not feel sorry for him. He is very intelligent and sends very heart rending emails as well as the crying, so its good to be reminded that its mostly manipulation and tears for himself- though I expect some is genuine. Grape; thank you very much for your input you do sound just like me and my situation, I reckon my ex would only last 3 weeks being nice too! I hope you have permanently escaped now, at least you know 100% that you did the right thing now x

OP posts:
wyrdyBird · 18/08/2014 20:13

Go back to no contact, really. You don't need any contact with this man: and he is taking up your mental and emotional energy for no good reason.

You shouldn't be in a position where you're not telling him about the new guy because it's not a good idea yet. He should be getting on with his own life.

I did go no contact for quite a while, but he kept ringing and texting and said he was coming to see me anyway (I live 180 miles away!) so I gave in.

Please look out for this behaviour - don't let him wear you down like this. Refusing to take no for an answer is a big red flag... let me give you a quotation:

' "No" is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you… Declining to hear "no" is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it.' (Gavin de Becker, security expert)

I'd recommend looking up Gavin de Becker's work. Also google for Lesley Morgan Steiner's TED talk. She will open your eyes to the risks of feeling sorry for your abuser.

wyrdyBird · 18/08/2014 20:16

sorry that's Leslie Morgan Steiner, oops

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 20:21

Hmm that's all true Wyrdy. I felt I was worried about his reaction/what he would do if he knew. The problem with the not taking no for an answer was I realised if he was coming anyway, then it would be better if I 'managed' the situation, otherwise it was going to be even more drama (him locked out/calling police etc). I was hoping to ease him off gradually without drama. I will google Leslie Morgan Steiner thanks!

OP posts:
heyday · 18/08/2014 20:22

You have moved on to a much better, happier life and that happy life is no thanks to your ex. Remind yourself of this a thousand times a day if you have to.
So he had a tough childhood, but so do thousands of people but they don't resort to abusing others. He way well have rotten genes as well as a rotten background which will make it so much harder for him to change.
You should make it very, very clear that you only want emails that concern the house that you jointly own and NOTHING more. He will continue to manipulate for as long as you allow him to.
You were strong enough to leave him so now you need to stop him from trying to manipulate you with his emotional twaddle. Come on, toughen up, make a stand with his behaviour and be thankful that you had a lucky escape.

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 20:30

Thanks for the strict talking to heyday :)
I can definitely do it dont worry, I do appreciate my new life every day!

OP posts:
AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 18/08/2014 20:31

My stbx did this, and I wobbled a bit (separated a year). But a few things were glaringl lies - like when he told me he hadn't drank any alcohol in over 6 months. I guess he was forgetting the suicide attempt less than 3 weeks ago when he tried to off himself with booze and pills. Or the email he sent me when he admitted he'd been drinking about 6 weeks ago. It was the "grand gesture" thing - I have changed. No you haven't. Okay, I am GOING to change. No, you won't. sigh.

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 21:05

Yep they are all the same aren't they which is weird :s
Glad you saw through yours and resisted. I hope this thread helps others too!

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eddielizzard · 18/08/2014 21:12

you can't sacrifice your happiness, and your new do's in order to go back to this whiny little shit. changed? yes - changed tack.

definitely go back to nc, and sell that house!

then enjoy the rest of your life.

HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 21:18

Haha cutting straight to the chase, love it! Yeah I think it's lucky I have the new guy as I am sappy enough to at least consider forfeiting my own happiness but wouldn't forfeit the lovely new guy's!

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WildBillfemale · 19/08/2014 06:17

He had 15 years to work on his issues but didn't. Other posters are right he's still giving you grief - cut him off

Hmmm2014 · 19/08/2014 10:15

Paws, Heyday is right. My ex had a difficult childhood, which he told me all about. I felt desperately sorry for the suffering he had gone through. I wanted to fix it for him. However, after I kicked him out, he said "I did warn you what I was like". Lundy Bancroft has interesting things to say about this as well - there are people who have abusive childhoods, who resolve to do things differently, who work on themselves, and have the emotional capacity to see that what was modelled to them was wrong, and not repeat it. Your ex, and mine, are not such people. Rather, they would prefer to use their abusive childhoods as an excuse for continuing to display abusive behaviours themselves. In my experience, these behaviours are reserved for their partners, and sometimes their children. Not their friends, or colleagues. And they don't show them towards you in front of friends either - they reserve it for later, when you are alone, in your own home (where you should feel safest).

I told my ex that I wanted to have no contact with him whatsoever other than about the property, after he harassed me by text, email and phone. I totally ignored any contact that was not about that. He gave up and moved very quickly onto his next victim, and I know he has told her all about what he sees as his 'issue'. Poor woman. No doubt she thinks she can change him, fix him, help him, support him to be a better partner and father - but I would very much doubt that. They need specialist intervention over a period of years, and a 100% committment to change. Even then, learned behaviours over a period of decades must remain only millimetres beneath the surface....

Also I don't think he thinks like you - you say you want a "managed" way to ease him off gradually without drama. I don't think he will get this at all. I tried to do this too, and all it resulted in was him thinking that I wanted him back! I think you have to be incredibly blunt and to the point with these people. Tell him how it is. Just say no.

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