New relationship, everything going really well, worried in case it goes wrong

[FreckledLeopard]

Think I'm just after some reassurance or anecdotes please about successful relationships.

I've been seeing someone for four months now. I'm really, really happy. Everything is going really well. Things are pretty easy, no angst, no drama. We've been on holiday together, we're going away for the Bank Holiday. We seem to want the same things in life. I'm very loved up.

I'm just scared! I know that no-one is perfect and that this is the honeymoon period. I know at some stage there'll be difficulties. None of that concerns me TBH. But I am worrying that things will suddenly go wrong or that the fact that I'm happy means things will be jinxed. I've had some horrible relationships in the past and before this relationship, I'd pretty much reached the point of deciding I'd be single forever and that I wasn't going to date anymore.

If anyone has some cheerful, positive anecdotes for a Monday morning, I'd be most grateful!

You can't really know what will happen! What's his personality like. There are more risks if he's prone to grand gestures or ott declarations of love. If he seems laid back, happy and has a good set of friends, you're on the right track.

Just make sure you keep up with your own friends and hobbies and keep some independence. This is healthy whatever happens.

For now though your best bet is to try not to analyse where it's all going and just enjoy it. Four months is still early days.

I'm trying not to analyse and to enjoy. No red flags. No grand gestures or anything weird. Have met friends and family.

Good point about keeping up with my own stuff. Am making conscious effort to see my friends etc.

Just enjoy it. Keep a weather-eye on anything which feels not right and re-assess if necessary. You know the signs. Don't go looking for them - no one is perfect but if you like him and he's kind, respectful to people generally, caring and does as he says he's going to - what's to worry about?

Are you frightened deep down of feeling that you will be somehow eventually rejected because you do not think you are good enough?. What about your own self esteem and self worth, how is that these days? Has it taken a right old battering in the past.

Where did all that feeling scared come from; sometimes such things are linked to your own relationship history or your childhood. Think about why you are thinking like this at all and consider counselling to get past it as well. You may well need to unlearn some stuff that you picked up along the way.

I think I am frightened of rejection, yes. Self-esteem certainly taken massive battering in the past. I spent my teens and early twenties in a number of ghastly dysfunctional relationships. From mid-twenties I worked on self-esteem (had therapy etc) and became more assertive. I was briefly married which, whilst not working out, helped me learn a lot more about myself and what I would and wouldn't compromise on. Had brief, horrible relationship at the beginning of this year (which I ended quickly when it became apparent that there were a million red flags) and now am in this really good relationship, but worrying in case things go wrong.

I am definitely enjoying things at the moment. I feel really lucky and really happy. No red flags. Lots of positive signs. Just this feeling that somehow, because things are going well, that it's going to jinx it or something

Just bumping for any happy-ever-after stories

I'll post mine later - have to go out !

I came out of an abusive relationship, long story short met someone a few years later (dated inbetween) everything was lovely. Felt just like you..7 years on we're still together and married.

It can happen, just don't let the past define you and go with it, enjoy each moment and know you deserve it!