I have already posted this in Mental health and have a had a lovely response from one poster, but I realise that most of the people on that board are sufferers of mental health issues, rather than the partners they live with. So forgive me for copying and pasting to here and please no 'leave him' posts!!
Crikey, this is going to be long but I hope that at least some of you will stay with me until the end. My DH has depression and other mental health issues, and has suffered since he was a teenager (possibly before). In brief most of his problems stem from some severe bullying at school and physical abuse by a family member.
He has had two major breakdowns since we have been married and he also suffered from mouth cancer a little over three years ago. 5 years ago he suffered what was thought to be a stroke but I am fairly convinced it was more psychological - a sort of stress induced event - as no physical evidence of stroke was found on the brain. He had some left sided weaknesss which passed after a few weeks but which comes back when he gets stressed out.
Anyway, yet again we are going through a very stressful time. I have changed jobs and now work shifts (a change he was very supportive of and actively encouraged). His work is going through some major re-structuring, which will involve changes to his job or the option of voluntary redundancy, although the company have re-iterated that they do not want to lose anyone. DH is very worried about all this. We have talked about the possibility of taking the redundancy package and doing B and B from home and for a while (about 8 days) he was really keen on this idea but then all the doubts and worries set in and he started back tracking - this happens a lot.
I have been finding it really hard recently. The children are older and more aware of emotions and things going on around them (11 and 9). I find it hard not to get drawn in to the whirlpool of emotions.
I have tried in the past to hide all this from friends, which has resulted in lost friendships as people have been let down without a valid explanation. I also can appear distant and moody when I am worried about him, I have found it hard to switch off and carry on and not get drawn into the doom and gloom felt by DH.
I have a mantra at the moment which is 'don't let him stop the enjoyment' which sounds dreadful but when I know he is struggling I am totally preoccupied by it, worrying about his state of mind and constantly trying to come up with solutions. This doesn't really help in the long run though, as we both end up riding the roller coaster together and I need to find a way to keep myself grounded and not get caught up in it all.
I would really like any advice or help from anyone else going through similar, just please don't flame me for being unsympathetic - I'm not, it's just I have to start looking after my mental health and that of the the DS's now - I don't want them to be damaged by all this. I do love him. When he is well he is the most amazing husband and father, funny generous and loving.
I just need a better way of dealing with this.
Thanks in advance x