How much does social media stop us moving on? Or is it deeper?

[FishPieForTea]

I'm in a position where I'm not over an ex two years after we split. I still occasionally check to see her on Facebook and that she's happy with her new partner. In your opinion, how much of this is due to the prevalence on Facebook, or does it suggest a deeper issue? (It's not the place here to delve too much into why my ex hurt me so much, and why it still rankles) - i wanted to focus on the facebook aspect

Thanks

Why not just defriend her on FB and then see if you move on?

Block. I have several friends (and one ex) who I had to block because I dwelled on the relationships so much. And this were relationships I was really in control of finishing and ultimately happy with my decision. It's too easy to be nosy and too easy for them to portray everything as super sunny so that we end up jealous or bitter.

So yes social media is partly to blame. But we are in control of its use.

I will definitely have to commit to no Facebook for a while. I've been terrible at sticking to that for the last two years

You have to execute some serious self control with exes.

You'll go looking, and not stop until you find something that upsets you.

I think the whole social media thing plays a big part in allowing us to dwell on ex's but ultimately we are in control and should use that control to say no to snooping, checking, etc etc. I think we all do it especially where there are unresolved issues and feelings. But it leads to hurt in those instances, how can it not to see an ex merrily getting on with their lives?

agree with Floop!

it's just far too easy these days to have a quick check (or lengthy stalker session) on fb, twitter, instagram and whatever other 'media' site.

ultimately it just delays the moving on process by making you all too aware of the lack of things happening in your own life. and as a result you invariably end up feeling like shit.

the need to check will eventually lessen. and there will come a time when you quite frankly (and quite rightly) dont give a fuck.

I think it is more than FB with you not moving on, you are deeply hurt, but FB isn't helping you at all and you have my sympathy.

A defining moment for helping me in moving on was being told my ex had a new GF. Strangely, he contacted me last week, which put me into further turmoil until I asked outright if he was seeing someone. He didn't say he was, but he was careful with his wording so I believe he is still seeing someone. I am very pragmatic in that, if he wanted to be with me, he'd not be with somebody else and if he loved me he'd prove it. So I'm keeping on moving on and I'm not going to be a second option for anyone.

OP, because of FB you have seen she has moved on and is with someone else, you are not left wondering, 'what if's', is she regretting, thinking of you etc - you know. You deserve your happiness now. I suspect you are looking to see if her relationship has failed to open you a window??? I think for you even without FB you would be struggling to move on. If only love had a switch you could turn off and selected amnesia it'd be easier, wouldn't it?

Good luck, 2 years is too long, you deserve to be happy.

Social Media makes it very easy for us to see what others are up to and we delve until we find something. I blocked my ex pretty much as soon as we split up as seeing posts about his "happy new life" were devastating. Remember also that fb portrays the story that people want to tell, which isn't necessarily the reality.

Do yourself a favour & block your ex - it makes the process of moving on a lot easier.

Thanks, in my case I had been cheated on, so I started to use Facebook as a way of finding out the truth, and hoping it wouldn't work out - and as far as I can tell, it did

There are definitely deeper issues going on with me, but blocking has to be the first step