Waiting for the police

[MatchsticksForMyEyes]

Ex has for the second time threatened me and my dp in front of DD(6) and DS(4). Says he ought to punch me in the nose as I wouldn't give him some money for something trivial when he owed me the same amount.
DC were so upset. He also said he wants to punch DP in the face. We got together after my divorce came through. He has said this to the DC directly in the last week and also told me I've palmed them off on him for the last 2 weeks. He had them 3 days this week and 3 last week as he's on AL.
As I was driving away he yelled that I was a slag, which they obviously heard. DS was distraught that he'd not said goodbye properly. DD very upset and wet herself tonight.
I have rung 101 and someone should have been here by now. DP ( ex police) says I should get him arrested or that at the very least I should get an anti-harassment order.
I have told ex that I am going to withhold access and he says he will fight me in court. Sister is a social worker with another authority but says I should ring and have it logged.
Really scared that this is escalating, but he is doing them so much emotional harm.

Go down the legal route to contain this sort of stuff, as it will only get worse. Police intervention plus solicitor for civil restraint should do the trick. Your DC are the priority and leaving this sort of rubbish unchecked could well do them lasting harm. The law will back you up: detail the incidents as they occur, starting now. If there have been any other similar incidents in the past of which you have proper recall/ approximate dates, record them also. Good luck.

DP says they will pretty much ask me if I want him arresting or an anti-harassment order issued. I don't know what to do.

Your sister is right report anything like this to the police to get it logged.
Keep your own log of it and anything less important as well.

Hope things settle down for the sake of you and kids. Good luck x

I'd go for the harshest thing the police can do. Maybe it will be a wake-up call for your ex, if not, at least the bar will be set higher if he doesn't stop.
Sorry you and dcs had to go through this.

I would ask for an anti-harassment order if that is a choice.

I rang around half 8 and they told me it would be within 1.5hrs. I don't know whether to wait up or not.

Of course there's always a problem if you're dependent on maintenance from him which depends on a job which in turn depends on no convictions/ cautions. Teachers etc. Some abusive people get outrageous leeway in this situation to continue abuse.

Id give it until 11 and then if no contact, ring back and politely check if they are still planning to come but have been delayed or if they would rather rearrange for tomorrow.

Perfectly reasonable query.

I'm not dependent on his maintenance as I earn more than he does. My main worry is that he will turn up to school and collect them to spite me as he is off work at pick up time on the first week back.

Could you ring back and say you were told 1.5 hours and should you wait up or will it be morning now?
In my experience despite having young children the police may come knock your door very late so i would ring back. Sorry about your troubles. I have been there too. Things only settled for us once exh had someone else in his life. Hope you are ok.

Definitely wait up OP. And tomorrow go to your GP and log it with them too. You can do so under the guise of asking for counselling if you want and advice about the children. The important thing is to create a paper trial via GP plus police that he has been abusive in front of the children.

This will help when it comes to question of access, I imagine you really want him only to have access at a contact centre.

Good luck.

Cross posts
Id ring school and explain there are issues at the moment and dc not to be picked up by dh.

Here's a place to get an emergency non-molestation order, they have their own solicitors:

www.ncdv.org.uk/

I would have thought the most sensible option would be firstly (as you're doing) report to the police and see what if anything they say about his contact with the children.

Secondly I would call the school and explain that contact has been temporarily suspended due to abusive behaviour currently being investigated by the police - give them incident number etc. clarify who is permitted to collect them.

Thirdly I would call social services and ask for advice on what their view of how to proceed would be. Is the abusive of you likely to be so damaging to the DC that contact should be stopped / supervised / managed differently.

Fourthly I would take this info and discuss with a family solicitor the best way to proceed - re contact arrangements / protective court orders / waiting for him to take you to court for contact etc.

You need to go back to court to make absolutely clear arrangements about access. You can't be left having to worry about whether he'll show up at school unarranged.

Have rung back and had to arrange for someone to come tomorrow evening.
Going to ring SS tomorrow morning for advice. I can't see the GP as I have both children with me and I don't want them to hear it all.
I wish the police had come earlier as the longer it goes on the more I question what I'm doing. I know this is the right thing to do for the dc, but he is so EA that I start to feel bad that he's not like this all the time in front of them. I know that's worse and they will think this is normal. I am going through with everything, but I know it is going to get so bad. DS is going to start asking for his dad repeatedly and won't understand.

You have done the right thing. You are acting out of love and concern for your dc. If anyone criticizes that then IMO they aren't worth the time of day.

Have spoken to SS. They weren't a great help as they said there isn't a CP issue. They suggested mediation, which obviously wouldn't work with an EA.
Then said I should get legal advice and possibly a pr

Prohibitive steps order. Police coming between 5 and 9.

Did SS really suggest mediation with an abusive partner?

I would ring Women's Aid and ask for their advice.

You can get a prohibited steps order from the NCDV, I linked to their website above. There is information about the order on their website. If you qualify, they will sort out the legal side. Tel 0844 8044 999

Don't question what he's done and start to minimise it before you see the police. It's really important you get it all down in detail. You know it's damaging for your kids to see this abuse. You're doing the right thing, stay strong and believe in yourself.

Yes they did, but it is Doncaster and their service is widely known to be dreadful. Mediation would never work, as obviously in his eyes it's all my fault naturally.

The only contact you need with your ex is the bare minimum for the kids. I'd get the harrasment noted, get the order in place, but I wouldn't stop contact. As SS have said it's not a child protection issue.

I'm worried about the effects of the stuff he's saying to them. He wasn't saying stuff before I met my dp, but I don't think he can stop himself saying these things about wanting to punch him/calling me names.

I have had dealings with doncaster SS in a very similar situation and I have to say they were very unhelpful. However Womens Aid were fantastic. Please give them a call, my life changed completely after I went to see them.

Sadly the police were pretty unhelpful too. Arrested my XP but then brought him back home in the middle of the night as he had nowhere else to go and left us all to it!

This was almost three years ago though, hopefully things have changed. Good luck, I hope you get the help that you and your DCs need x