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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It's my Birthday......

20 replies

Bubbly77 · 17/08/2014 09:34

So, yesterday, I had to remind my hubby to go out as the kids wanted me to get me a little something and card. I had my nails done, while hubby took them to Tesco. A couple of hours later they picked me up. Both the kids were upset and hubby said they had been running around the shop and therefore hadn't managed to get me anything and my youngest had wet himself a little but hubby hadn't changed him. I was a little annoyed as it seems that everytime he has the boys, they all fall out. The boys said they didn't want to go out with Daddy again.

Last night, it was my hubby's best mates 40th at a local pub which we all had planned to go as a family. Because I had a bit of a dig at hubby for not sorting my present from the boys, he went in sulk, had a couple of drinks, apparently sent his mate a text (and then deleted it) to say we weren't going to the party as I was in a mood! This is because I phoned my Mum to have a bit of a moan. I don't expect a present, but everytime it's someone else's Birthday I always get something (if only little) cause after all it's the thought that counts!

In the end, hubby was asleep and I woke up to try to persuade him to come to the party but he wouldn't, so ended up going on my own with the two kids. His friend was disappointed but knows my hubby is suffering with depression but put it down to that (although I think he was sulking)!

Today, it's my Birthday, I have a card each from my boys, and although they don't say Mummy on them, they are cards each of my boys wanted to buy me :-) My hubby made them write in the card this morning, while I was about, and then wrote his and left on the worktop and hasn't given it to me. He is now getting himself dressed and I'll end up sorting the boys out and then is going to take them to get me a present. My hubby has got me nothing :-(

Whilst, I'm now 37 and a grown-up, I feel disappointed as no real thought has gone into it and it feels as though my Birthday is an inconvenience. My hubby often 'plays up' the night before something big......he's been an a**e, the night before I had a big interview the next day, before.

Today, I'll be tidying and doing all the packing as off on holiday tomorrow but somehow these weekends events have taken the shine off my Birthday and our week away.

Sorry but just had to have a moan!

OP posts:
wobblywilma · 17/08/2014 09:53

Happy birthday Thanks . Sorry youre having a rubbish time , i think youre perfectly entitled to be disappointed, he is not showing you.you are loved or valued. Really dont mean to be sensational but from what youve written he sounds emotionally abusive. Depression is not an excuse for treating you that way.

Coddo · 17/08/2014 09:56

You need to take him to the Drs.

(Do you really need a card with mummy on it?)

WillowWoods · 17/08/2014 09:58

Happy Birthday! Try to ignore his hurtful behaviour.

Have a singalong!

DeadCert · 17/08/2014 10:03

He is a total arse, that's a horrible way to treat your wife. Tell him how he's made you feel and suggest an appointment with the doctor.

Happy Birthday OP, hope your day improves!

elQuintoConyo · 17/08/2014 10:04

I'm 39, I love a card with Mummy written on it. DH doesn't buy one for me, but gets one from DS and DS scribbles on it. Each to their own Coddo little things mean different things to different people.

A visit to your gp sounds like a good idea. Your DP may be depressed, but he sounds emotionally manipulative as well.

Happy birthday from me and small scribbly DS Thanks

TapWellies · 17/08/2014 10:04

Happy Birthday Bubbly
Mines the same, usually ruins occasions (other peoples) by acting like a toddler. No idea why, he's fine the rest of the time.

googoodolly · 17/08/2014 10:14

Happy birthday OP Flowers

He sounds horrible. I assume your boys are small and need someone to take them out to buy/organise presents and a card, so it's his responsibility to sort that out. He's been an arse by letting both you and your sons down.

If he really has depression, he needs to go the doctors and get some treatment - AD's, counselling or something, because he shouldn't be taking his foul moods and bad attitude out on you and the kids. It's not a nice environment for them to grow up in.

Is he just like this before a "big event" or is it a more general thing?

I hope your birthday gets better :)

hamptoncourt · 17/08/2014 10:33

Happy Birthday Cake

DH sounds like a total wankbadger.

CatKisser · 17/08/2014 10:38

My hubby often 'plays up' the night before something big......he's been an ae, the night before I had a big interview the next day, before.

Because he doesn't want you to be happy or to succeed at something.
He's HORRIBLE! And the poor boys being dragged around by a bad tempered father who's already decided he's going to fuck things up. Sad

CatKisser · 17/08/2014 10:39

Oops! happy birthday!!!

Azquilith · 17/08/2014 10:45

Happy birthday! Cake

Squidstirfry · 17/08/2014 10:49

Playing up and ruining big days for you is horrible, unsupportive, jealous and EA.
What do you mean he can't look after his own kids on his own?? They don't want to spend time with him?

Depression or no depression he is a prize cnt.

hellokittymania · 17/08/2014 10:57

Happy birthday!! Flowers Cake It's my birthday too.

Sorry, it's in Vietnamese.

Notexactlymarthastewart · 17/08/2014 11:00

Happy birthday!! Cake Flowers

I'm with you on the "mummy" card - I love getting those, but didn't mind as long as DCs have chosen it/them themselves (better still, made one!)

He is an arse. IMHO, whether you are together, separated or divorced and regardless of the state of your personal relationship with DH/STBXH/XH, or indeed the female options of those, NO MATTER WHAT, you make sure DCs have a lovely card and at least a small gift to give to their DP on their birthday

I have been on the sharp end of that (DCs not having been taken to get me me gift) a few times now, and I HATE to see how upset DCs can be at that. Angry Sad Fortunately I have a DP that steps into the breach, so it doesn't happen much now.

Try to not dwell on it is the best advice I can give x hope your day rapidly improves!

Notexactlymarthastewart · 17/08/2014 11:01

Sorry, parent not DP!!!

butterflygardens · 17/08/2014 12:52

Happy birthday xxxxx

yoyo27 · 17/08/2014 12:56

Happy birthday!!!! I would be gutted too!! And it is just as exciting for your children to be buying something for you. My fiancé buys stuff for me from my kids (from him too) and they love it!

My step daughter does the same at other people's birthdays. It is jealousy x

Joysmum · 17/08/2014 13:20

He knows it's important to you and will make you happy to be appreciated for the day, rather than be about material things.

By contrast it was my DD's birthday recently. We traditional have a family birthday breakfast in bed to start the day.

Many of my family struggle for money. 2 of her family privately messaged to warn they had cards but could get anything. I reassured them that quality time with them is all she wants. One has organised for her to go round for a special tea, in which they'll cook together. The other will take her out.

It's the knowing you're special and loved that's important. Your DH couldn't even do that!

Was it down to dressing or was he just being an arsehole?

Rafflesway · 17/08/2014 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bubbly77 · 17/08/2014 20:14

Thanks for all of your replies. Yes hubby has been to the Drs and is on antidepressants which have helped a lot. We have a great weekend away last weekend (as a couple) but this weekend has dampened the spirit somewhat. He said he didn't go out last night but I upset him!!!!

Anyway, this morning he took my eldest into town. My eldest chose some lovely PJs for me and hubby bought me an expensive watch. I love the PJS and watch is nice, my son added it was really expensive Mummy, my reply was "Money doesn't buy love." To which my son replied "Are you having a nice Birthday now?" I said " Better, but not great". Hubby asked the same and I said just a change he took the shine off it. No sorry, no nothing. My parents came to visit, as did my sister and sister-in-law. My parents, hubby and the boys went out for a short time. But someone I still feel peed off. On hols from tomorrow but really not feeling in the mood! x

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